Oh Kim my heart breaks for you! I come home and cry many nights after I leave the shelter and none of ours get put down. It is so overwhelming at times that I have to force myself to go back. I could not handle a kill shelter and I can not tell you how much I admire you for having the strength to go in and deal with that. We all know that it is one at a time but I can't help always thinking about the many that you don't have time to get to. They are just as desperate as the ones you manage to help.
I just asked Sirrabed this question...Why can't I see the nine (possibly ten) that I have saved instead of all the ones that I can't save? All those faces and all those eyes begging for help through the cage bars. The paws that reach out and grab at you begging for just a few minutes of attention. All those faces looking at you and asking "why?".
Most of the time I just want to shut it out of my mind and never go back. It would be so easy to say I've done all I can and go live my life with my furballs but I won't allow myself to be that selfish. Maybe we are making a small difference and maybe that is what keeps us going.
It's gets harder with each passing day and the shelter is so full. We have such a tiny shelter and it could hold around 80 to 90 cats somewhat comfortably but right now there are 180 and it is floor to ceiling.
I just keep praying that all the misery will end one day and that all of these sad and lonely kitties today will have a wonderful and loving home in their future.
I don't know what the answer is but I do know that my heart wants to save every last one of them.