I actually felt that I had no maternal instinct almost all of my life. I felt that children were obnoxious, rude and just plain a real pain. I am an only child and did not have alot of contact to other children let alone babies.

I have never in my entire life felt comfortable around children until
my best friend had a baby and at 31 years old I realized that as I held Victoria, she was the first baby I EVER held in my ENTIRE LIFE!!!! and there WAS an actual connection.

Mark and I actually have tried for 2 years to have a baby but unfortunately or maybe fortunately it is not possible for us.

Most people would be crushed if they were trying so hard and then find out that it is not possible. I figure it was always in God's hands anyway....so maybe God has always meant for me to not have strong feelings for children because I'm not meant to have them.

I wish my in-laws could understand where I'm coming from. They do not like the fact that I beleive that God has a plan for each and every one of us and that this is HIS plan for Mark and I and we are both FINE with it. Afterall, we have been married 11 years and we have now become "set in our ways" and when we sit down and discuss it, we are actually releived that it was not possible to have them....we will just spoil all our nieces and nephews.