“Almost there…” he said as we walked up the front steps. “Ok, open!” he said. I
slowly opened my eyes, afraid of what I would see.
“Surprise!!” people yelled. Graham had brought everyone together as a
welcome home party and I noticed he also had all the boxes unpacked from our
move. The apartment was beautiful. He had repainted some of the rooms, and
painted the living room red, my favorite color.
“One more thing.” He said and went off to another room. One by one people
came up to talk to me. First were my parents.
“Oh welcome home, baby!” they both screamed, showering me with hugs
and kisses. I hugged them back and then they backed off to let other people
through.
“How are you feeling?” someone yelled from the back of the crowd. I had no
idea who it was.
“I’m great, thanks. But excuse me, I have a call I need to make.” I said and cut
through the crowd to the kitchen.
Once inside the safety of the kitchen, I began dialing the hospital’s telephone
number. The secretary picked up.
“Hello, hospital, how can I help you?” she asked.
“I was wondering how Patricia Ross was doing.” I asked, tapping my
fingernails on the counter.
“Please hold.” The secretary said, and I heard elevator music. I rolled my
eyes and waited. The anxiety was killing me.
I looked around the freshly painted kitchen, with all of our old appliances. My
eyes drifted over to the butcher block containing all the knives. I closed my eyes and
took a deep breath. I reopened them and stared at the knives again. Just once, I
thought. No one will ever know. Just this once. There was an overpowering voice
inside my head demanding me to do it. I put the phone down quietly, and moved
towards the opposite counter. I was in a sort of trance, not realizing what I was doing
until someone said my name.
“Kers?” the voice asked. My eyes remained focused on the knives. “Kersey,
damnit, what are you doing?” the voice yelled. It was Graham. I turned my head
towards him.
“Kersey. You have a knife in your hand. What the hell do you think you are
doing?” he asked, actually yelling at me. “Put it down. Now.” He demanded. The
force inside me wouldn’t let go of the knife. My chin was trembling because Graham
was so angry. Finally I got to my senses and dropped it.
“Kersey, I thought you were over this. What were you doing?” he slammed the
off the hook phone back onto the receiver. “Please tell me you weren’t going to cut
yourself. Please.” He said. I turned to face him again.
“I… I don’t know Graham. The whole thing with Olivia’s mom… I… I’m so
confused.” I said. I put my elbows on the counter and rubbed my eyes. “I’m sorry, it
won’t happen again.” I said, sincerely.
“Promise? Kersey, even though I did it too, it still scares me seeing you do it,
the one I love. You’re what I live for and to see you do it, it makes me hurt. I’ve
stopped, and you need to too.” He said. He came over to me and took my hands in
his. “Now, that present is waiting.” He said, leading me out of the kitchen.
We went out into the living room where everyone was sitting.
“I’ll be right back guys.” Graham said to everyone and then he told me to sit
on the floor and wait for a second. I sat down and tried to think of what he could have
gotten me.
“Close your eyes!” he yelled from the other room. I looked around at the other
people around me and slowly closed my eyes. I heard footsteps coming back from
the hall, indicating Graham was coming back. The steps stopped in front of me, then
I felt something on my face.
“Gr..Graham? What the…” I said, reaching my hands up to touch whatever
was in my face. I heard the people laughing at me from behind.
“Haha.” I said sarcastically to them. I opened my eyes. I saw the most
beautiful thing I had ever seen. It was small, and maybe even smaller than the palm
of your hand. I gasped.
Graham was holding a small puppy. It was a teacup Pomeranian; I had had
one when I was little.
“Thank your parents, not me.” He said, smiling. He knew just what to do to
make me happy. “Her name’s Izzy. Isabella, but Izzy for short. She’s from the lady
down the street. What’s her name? Dayna. She’s a great person. She’s already
given Iz all her shots and she is going to pay for her spaying because it was a puppy
from her litter.” Graham got up from the kneeling position on the ground and put Izzy
down on the floor. She had a huge red ribbon tied around her neck.
“We had a little trouble with the bow, but we compromised.” Graham said,
laughing.
“Graham! She is so cute! Thank you guys!” I said. I now knew this dog had
the answers to everything. She kept me going.
“Let’s eat!” Graham said to everyone, and they began filing towards the
kitchen and dining room.
“Like her?” Graham asked after everyone had gone to the kitchen.
“Like her? LIKE HER? Graham, I love this dog!” I said, getting up and
hugging him. “Thank you so much.” I said.
I tucked Izzy under my arm and we went into the kitchen together. Then the
phone rang.
“I’ll get it.” I said, and grabbed the phone.
“Hello?” I asked.
“Is this Kersey?” the person asked.
“Speaking.” I replied, wondering whom it could be.
“This is the nurse at the hospital. You called about 15 minutes ago and we
lost our connection.”
“Yes, yes, we had… family trouble.” I said. It was kind of the truth.
“The information on Mrs. Ross is here. She is in a coma and has some pretty
bad cuts. She won’t be as pretty as she was a few days ago. She is in critical
condition, but she is stable, and on her way to what we hope is a fast and easy
recovery.” She said. “Thank you for calling,” and hung up.
I put the phone down. The information was enough to keep me satisfied for a
while.
Throughout the night, Izzy was tucked safely under my arm. Everyone left at
their own pace, and by ten, everyone was gone.
“Did you have fun?” Graham asked.
“Definitely. Thank you very much.” I said, smiling.
“About the knife incident, Kersey, what got into you?” he asked, sitting on the
couch. I didn’t say anything; only pet Izzy’s brown ears.
“Talk to me.” He pleaded. “I just want to help.”
“I don’t know! There’s just so much going on with Olivia’s mom. I’m scared,
confused, I just don’t know anymore.” I said, sitting next to him. I rested my head on
his arm.
“Well cutting solves nothing. After all my years of doing it, I finally realized it
wasn’t worth it.” He said, rubbing my shoulder.
“Maybe I need it Graham. It was my security blanket all those years back at
home.”
“Need it? You still want to cut?” he asked, obviously shocked.
“It’s possible.” I said.
“You can’t. I won’t let you.” He said, getting up. He stood over me; I had fallen
back onto the couch once he had gotten up. Izzy was prancing around on my chest.
“Graham, you don’t understand.” I replied getting up. Izzy jumped off the
couch and followed me into the bedroom. No one understood. But that’s where Izzy
came in.
I sat down on the bed and closed my eyes. Graham didn’t understand that it
was hard for me to quit. Yes, I hadn’t done it in… months probably. But that didn’t
come with ideas of cutting, cravings, the whole works. Izzy was bouncing around on
the floor trying to get onto the bed.
“Come on, Iz. Show the world height doesn’t matter.” I said, laughing. I swept
her off the floor and put her on the bed beside me.