"What's the matter? You look depressed." he asked me casually.
"Jeremy and I... aren't friends anymore." I figured ''broke up'' wouldn't be
appropriate right now.
"What? What happened? You guys were great friends." He said.
"I know. I don't want to talk about it." I said, fidgeting with my hands again.
Soon we heard Julie welcoming two new people in the lobby. It was two more
girls.
"Guys? Circle please." Julie said, motioning us to get in a circle. We all sat
down and Graham sat next to me and put his hand on my knee. I had a feeling things
could only get better from here.
I looked up and immediately recognized one of the girls. My heart skipped a
beat.
"Graham! Graham!" I said, shaking his knee to get his attention. I pointed to
the girl on the left. "She's Jeremy's sister!"
"My name is Emma, and they told me I'm anorexic." she said rolling her eyes.
"Her?" Graham asked.
"Yeah." I said, my eyes still locked on her. I couldn't believe it. Of all people.
Emma sat down next to Eliza. She was always the one to greet people once they
sat down. The other person was Heather, who was a struggling bulimic, and you
could tell. She was very frail and tiny looking. I looked at my own hands. I looked just
as bad. It made me wonder how someone as wonderful as Graham could love
someone as ugly as me.
They ended up moving another bed into our room. Emma roomed with us,
and Heather roomed with Raphael, down the hall. I tried to avoid Emma all day. She
knew who I was. But the time would come sooner or later.
Graham and I went for our walk.
"She's roomed with you?" he asked. "What are you going to do?"
"Maybe she won't recognize me." I prayed. I knew she would. I think she
looked at me when she sat down in the circle. Graham put his arm around my
shoulder.
"Maybe it won't be as bad as you think. What are you worried about
anyway?" he asked. I didn't know. Maybe I just never liked her.
"I don't know." I said. I didn't know a lot of things lately. I was really confused.
"Well, if she gives you any problems, you know where I am." he said smiling. I
smiled back. We went back in and I went to my room to get my journal. Emma was
there.
"Hello, Kersey." she said, not even looking up from unpacking her back.
"Hi." I said, plopping down on my bed.
"Jeremy has told me so much about you." she said. I didn't like where this
was going.
"What about me?" I asked, opening my journal and messing through the
things on the desk, trying to find a pen.
"That he loves you. But you cut it off. You should see him, Kersey. He's really
angry." she said. I didn't even like her voice, she had a real eerie voice.
"I don't care. It wasn't meant to be."
She shrugged. "Whatever." she said, then plopped down on her bed with her
book. She was really skinny.
"How long have you been anorexic?" I asked. Maybe not the best question,
but I was curious about those things.
"Almost 6 months. I was doing good until I "over-did it" they told me. My body
was really weak and they put me in the hospital like 2 weeks ago. That place is hell."
she said, not even looking up.
"I know." I said. "I just got out too." I said. Obviously this wasn't going
anywhere so I left and went back out to the rec room. I wondered what else she
knew about me.
I sat in the loveseat and wrote about everything that had happened since I got
there. From Graham staring at me up until my little chat with Emma. Eliza came and
sat next to me.
"So, do you like Emma? I think she's cool." she said excitedly. This kid was
always happy. It was scary.
"Yeah she's fine." I said.
"Wanna go eat lunch?" She asked.
"No thanks, kid." I said. She was used to me calling her kid. I called everyone
kid. She left. I put my journal back in my room and went to the bathroom down the
hall. I looked around. Everything was perfectly shiny and clean. I looked around and
saw what I wanted. Exactly what I wanted.
There was a loose nail in the first stall. I wiggled it out of its place and looked
at the rust it was covered in. I smiled. I went into the last stall. Luckily no one was in
the bathroom. I closed and locked the door, just to be safe. I looked at my purple
scars on my wrists. I had waited so long. I slid the rusty nail across one of the purple
scars. It stung, but it did no harm. I did it again, harder, and blood appeared. I sat on
the cold floor of the stall and closed my eyes, soaking up the pain. I looked down
and the blood specked with bits of rust. The rust was making it hurt worse, but it felt
good. I wrapped some toilet paper around the cut and pulled my sleeve down. I
walked out of the bathroom casually, pretending nothing happened.
Graham was waiting for me outside the bathroom. He must have seen me go
in.
"Hey. Just wondering... want to go to supper with me now?" he asked. I
regained my normal heart rate and smiled.
"Sure." I said. He reached for my hand and looked at my wrist.
"What did you do?" he cried.
I looked down. The blood had seeped through my sleeve.
"Nothing." I said and kept walking. He ran to catch up with me again.
"Kersey you cannot do that." he said. "Promise me you won't." It was the
same thing I had heard from Jeremy. It brought back too many memories.
"Just stop!" I cried. "I don't want to talk about it." I said and turned around and
went to my room and slammed the door.
I collapsed on my bed and cried for almost 10 minutes before I realized
Emma was in the room with me.
"Can I ask?" she asked me.
"No. Don't talk to me." I cried. She herself even brought back memories of
Jeremy. I heard a knock on the door and Emma went to answer it. I wasn't in the
mood for company, even if it was Eliza, or Graham even. I didn't want to be
bothered.
"Just a sec." I heard Emma say. That usually meant, 'Let me go see if Kersey
wants to talk to you or not.' Great.
"Kers, it's Graham." she said.
"I'm busy." I said, rolling over so he couldn't see me crying. She went back
over to the door and a few seconds later, the door closed. I closed my eyes and
went to sleep.
I awoke and looked at my alarm clock. It said 11:30. Emma was asleep in
her bed and so was Eliza. I quietly climbed out of bed and opened the door. I stood
in the hallway and looked both ways. I wasn't supposed to be out of bed right now,
and if I got caught I would get in trouble. I couldn't be within nurse range for a while,
to avoid my new scar showing.
I walked to the pitch-black rec room and sat on the sofa. I pulled my knees up
to my chest and looked out the window. I saw nothing but the moon and the
leave-less trees blowing in the wind. I closed my eyes and I realized, once again, I
was crying and didn't notice it.
I closed my eyes again and must have drifted off into a very light sleep. I
woke up when I felt someone put their arm around me. I gasped, and looked to my
side, but I couldn't see anything because it was so dark.
"Kersey, it's me." the mysterious voice whispered. It was Graham.
"What are you doing up?" I asked.
"Thinking about you." he said. "I'm worried." he said, running his fingers
through my hair.
I didn't know what to say; I was speechless. Then he leaned over and kissed
me. It was almost magical. Then we heard a window break.
I looked out the large bay window in front of us. A masked person had broken
the window and was carrying a knife. I screamed, alerting the nurses. Nurses
emerged from everywhere, someone was screaming "Call the police! Call the
police!" Someone pulled a fire alarm, and soon everyone was scrambling around in
the hallway to see what was going on.