“I’m in for a risk. I’ve been locked up for almost two weeks. I need to get out.” I said. I
went and I pulled the wheelchair out of the closet.
“At least take me in the wheelchair, please?” I asked again, putting on the
puppy dogface. I sat in the wheelchair, ready to go.
“They will think I’m stealing you!” he said laughing. I knew he wanted to make
me happy so he decided we would go outside. He grabbed three of my blankets
and covered me up in them.
“If you’re going to make me take you outside, I’ve got to make sure you’re
warm.” He said, laughing.
He pushed me slowly to the elevator, making sure we weren’t seen. We
snuck inside, only to be joined by my nurse on the second floor.
“And where do you think you’re going?’’ she asked me sternly.
“Outside. Just for a while.” I said, ignoring anything she said to me after that.
We got outside and there was a slight October chill in the air. It made me so
happy to be outside. I wrapped up in my blankets and looked at all the trees, my
favorite part.
It was so special to me, it was like a romantic first date; him and I sitting
outside the hospital watching the leaves turn. I loved every moment.
When we went back inside, I was exhausted. We had laughed and talked for
what seemed like forever, and I was really tired. I decided to take a nap.
“I’ll be back later, kiddo.” He said quietly, after I had gotten back in bed. He
brushed the hair out of my eyes and kissed my forehead. “Eat if you get the chance.”
He then said to me, smiling. He winked at me and left. I finally drifted off and awoke
a few hours later to the doctor coming in.
“She can leave tomorrow, if she’s feeling up to it. She needs to attend the
rehabilitation center for a few weeks to get back on track. Sound alright?” he asked
my parents.
“I guess. I really wish all of this never would have happened.” My mom said,
frowning. She was disappointed in me. Little did she know, that same
disappointment is probably what made me do this.
I left the next day. They allowed me a day to grab my things from home and
pack my clothes. I called Jeremy before I left.
“Hey. I’m leaving soon, just thought I would call and let you know.” I said,
wishing he could come stay with me.
“Well, I will come over later then, hopefully they will let me.” He said. He was
so funny, so anxious to be with me every second of the day.
“Come around 6 then. I should be settled.” I said. We said our farewells, and
I was on my way.
The car ride took about 30 minutes. I got tired easily now that I was home
and off a lot of my medications. I took a short catnap on the way there and when I
awoke, we had just pulled in. I started getting butterflies in my stomach. I was really
nervous.
We walked in and I was greeted by what looked like every patient in the
entire building. It must have been tradition to welcome the newcomer. I felt so out of
place.
I also noticed there were three or four guys there too. I remembered there
were no men at my old rehabilitation center.
There was about 20 or so people there. My parents hugged me and left, and
the nurse, whose name was Julie, led us into the main room of the center. It was like
a huge living room, with TV's and everything. They told everyone to sit in a circle,
except me. I had to introduce myself.
"My name is Kersey, and..." I began. I didn't know what to say.
"What are you here for? We like our problems to be out in the open so we can
help each other." Julie said.
"Do I really have to say? I'm anorexic. That's what the doctors said anyway. I
started because my friend Olivia died of bulimia." I said. I also pulled up my sleeves,
showing off my beautiful purple scars. Some people looked scared, some
disgusted, some looked like they could relate. One of the other guys casually rubbed
his forearms.
"Thanks for sharing, Kersey. You may sit." Julie told me. I sat next to a girl. She
smiled and shook my hand as I sat down.
"My name is Elizabeth. They call me Eliza here." she said. Julie then told
everyone they had to go around and say their names and what they were here for so
I could get to know everyone. This was beginning to get lame.
There was Eliza, anorexic. She was becoming my new friend fast. Antonio, a
guy who was bulimic, and his friend Graham who cut, the one I saw before. Drew,
who was anorexic, Raphael, who was anorexic and cut and Jessica who was an
anorexic also. Everyone finished up and Eliza showed me my room. Graham kept
looking at me as we got up and everyone went to do their own thing.
"We share a room, room 269." she said as she led me inside. Inside were two
beds, two small windows and a desk.
"Cool." I said sarcastically, dropping my bag on the bed.
"Don't be so enthusiastic, Kersey." Eliza said laughing. I could tell we would be
just fine.
After dinner mostly everyone went to the rec area. Eliza and I plopped on the
couch and watched Remember the Titans that was playing on TV. It was one of my
favorite movies. Graham came in a sat in the loveseat closer to the TV. I caught him
looking at me a few more times. What was his problem? Did I have broccoli in my
teeth? After the movie ended, people began going to pool tables, foos-ball tables,
and ping-pong tables. “Wanna play?" Graham asked me, pointing to the foos-ball
table. I hadn't played in so long so I agreed. I was up to a challenge.
"So you cut?" I asked. It seemed like an awkward question now that it came
out of my mouth.
"I do, yeah." he said, scoring a goal. It was silent for a few minutes after.
"I was just wondering, if you'd like to be friends. We are some of the only
people that cut here, maybe we could get through it together." he said, stopping the
game and looking up at me. I didn't know what to say, I wanted to, but I had Jeremy
coming later. I didn't want him to think I was cheating on him... if we were even going
out.
"That would be really cool." I said, but soon realized what I had just said. He
smiled at me and we kept playing.
Graham walked me to my room that night, after a long talk in the rec room.
Everyone had left before we even got started talking. We talked about what was
going on in our lives that made us cut, I told him about Olivia, he told me about
Arissa, his girlfriend, who died of anorexia. We had so much in common, it was
almost scary.
When we got to my room, he looked at me with a twinkle in his eye. He had
told me before he had never really met anyone after he lost Arissa, I was the first girl
he had had enough guts to talk to. I admit it, it made me feel good.
He took his hands in mine and wished me a good night. He winked at me as
he turned around and walked to his room, a few feet down the hall. I watched him go
into his room and wave to me as he shut the door. I couldn't believe I was doing this.
Jeremy came the next day and told me he didn't come last night because he
had extra homework and his mom wouldn't let him leave late. I told him it was just
fine. I didn't want him to see me with Graham anyway.
He sat in my room with me and Eliza, talking about stuff from school. He told
me we were the talk of the school, and rumors were flying that we were "an item". I
guess we were going out, in a way, even though we never really asked each other.
He sat on my bed and held my bony hands. Eliza just watched us with this
smile on her face, she was happy I was happy.
I showed Jeremy around, and we sat in the rec room. Everyone was watching
us, like we were going to spontaneously start making out or something.
Graham came in about 20 minutes later, and he sat in the same loveseat as before.
"Jeremy, this is my friend Graham." I said. Graham waved and smiled
nervously, like he was uncomfortable having Jeremy around. Jeremy also waved,
obviously feeling jealous I had another guy friend.
Graham left when he had to go take his medication and go to his doctor
appointment. Jeremy mentioned Graham.
"What about him?" I asked.
"Does he, like you, like you??" he asked. That was so third grade.
"Jeremy, we're friends, like you and I." I soon realized that wasn't what he
wanted to hear. "But we are closer, right?" I said uneasily.
"I guess." Jeremy said, looking away. I had made him mad.
He ended up leaving later at about the time Graham came back.
"Is he mad? Maybe I shouldn't have come and sit by you.'' Graham said.
"He's just a little jealous, don't worry Graham." I said, smiling to reassure him.
Graham and I played another game of foos-ball, and this time I finally won.
"Wanna go for a walk?" he asked. He loved going on walks. He told me that
last night.
"Sure. Let me go grab my jacket."
We walked outside together and it was the time of the year where the leaves
showed no more green. I told Graham I loved fall, he said he did too.