The days passed slowly, and I cut more often. I was really upset with Olivia’s
passing and I decided it was time for me to lose some weight. If Olivia couldn’t live,
I’d be like her and die like her.
I rarely ate anything. I only ate around Jeremy, so he would think I was fine. I
ate nothing at home, I only drank a glass of water a day. I felt the effects within the
first day.
I was lying in bed and I almost couldn’t move. My stomach was growling like
a mad dog, but I would not eat anything. My parents started noticing, so I was forced
to eat when I was around them also and they forced me to come down and eat
supper with them.
I went to school one day, about 3 weeks after Olivia’s passing. I was really
dizzy and pale. I hadn’t eaten anything today, and I hadn’t eaten anything at all for
about 3 or 4 days. I was really growing weak. Then Jeremy began noticing.
“Kersey, I need to talk to you.” He said to me one day. He took me outside
and held my hand in his. I looked at him innocently. “Tell me what’s going on.” He
demanded.
I again looked innocently into his eyes. “What?” I asked, turning away. He
wasn’t supposed to know. This was a secret.
“Kersey. Listen to me. You cannot do this. You need to eat. Please tell me
you will eat.” He said. He looked serious.
“I want Olivia back.” I said, facing him. “If I can’t have her, I will go to her.” I
said. "I'll do whatever I want, Jeremy. My life, not yours." I said angrily and walked
away. I couldn't believe how mean I had just been to him.
I got home that day and went to my room. My bedroom was now my home, it
kept me away from food and people, my second worst enemy. I looked at the
phone. I felt like I should call and apologize to Jeremy. I held the phone in my hand.
Again I noticed the now purple scars on my wrists. I had cut myself this morning
again before school and it had scarred over. I looked at my bloody scissors on my
desk and then down to the phone. My eyesight was blurry... I was crying.
I didn't know why, either. It was like I had lost all connection from my brain to
my eyes. Or maybe I had just cried so much lately I didn't notice it. I wiped them
away and started dialing Jeremy's number. I reached the last number and pushed it
slowly. I put the phone to my ear and listened to it ring. It rang about 5 times, and
right when I was about to hang up, someone picked up.
"Hi, is Jeremy there?" I asked.
"This is." he said back. His voice sounded different... almost as if he had been
crying.
"What's wrong Jeremy?" I asked, concerned.
"You. You're the one doing something wrong, Kers. I tried to help you and you
blew me off. Go ahead, don't eat. You're killing yourself, Kersey. You really are. I
cannot believe after almost 8 years of friendship, you blow me off. What is wrong
with you, Kersey?" he asked softly.
"I... I... I don't know. Jeremy, please don't worry. I'm okay, really, I am." I said. I
wanted him to understand what I was feeling. I wanted him to walk a mile in my
shoes. See how I feel.
"Well think it over Kersey. We've already lost Olivia and I cannot lose you,
too.” he said. I could tell he was holding back tears. He hung up. I put the phone
down and a tear fell onto the bloody sleeve of my sweatshirt.
Thankfully, the next day was Saturday. I came downstairs at about nine, to
find my dad had bought doughnuts. He had always had doughnuts Saturday
mornings, since I was a kid. They looked so delicious. I went over and looked at the
doughnuts. We had cinnamon rolls, jelly-filled... I stuck my finger in the frosting of the
cinnamon roll. I tasted the sweetness of it. My stomach went crazy; I hadn't eaten in a
few days. I closed the box. I wasn't supposed to eat.
I went into the bathroom to weigh myself. Ninety-four pounds. I looked in the
mirror. I looked so fat. I decided to take a walk to burn some calories. I wanted to
walk past Jeremy's house anyway. We needed to talk.
I put on some sweatpants and a t-shirt. I tied a sweatshirt around my waist and
put on my tennis shoes. I began walking. I noticed how beautiful the leaves on the
trees were. They were just beginning to change colors and some showed a peek of
orange ness at the tips. I was about 3 blocks to Jeremy's house. I started a small jog
until I got there. Jeremy was sitting on the porch with his head in his hands. He
looked sad again.
"Hi Jeremy." I said, waving. He looked up and came over to me.
"You look so pale, Kersey. Do you feel okay?" he asked me. I was feeling
dizzy, but I was sick of him talking about me not eating.
"I'm... I'm fine." I said, stopping to take a breath. I put my hand on my forehead
and closed my eyes. I opened my eyes again, and Jeremy had a hand on me to
steady me.
"Maybe you should sit, take a rest." Jeremy said, pointing me to the curb. I
looked at him and things started going black. I saw him one last time before I fell
and he looked terrified.
I woke up three days later, they told me. Luckily for me, my organs were still
working, unlike Olivia's.
When I woke up that third day, I looked around. My dad was in the chair on the
right side of my bed, and my mom had just entered the room with some lunch. She
saw that I was awake and almost dropped the food.
"She's awake! She's awake!" she cried to my dad. I couldn't move. I had tubes
in my nose, one down my throat, and some tubes attached to my arms. I made a tiny
noise, to try and tell her I hurt. My mom called the doctors in and told them I was
awake.