I am sorry to hear about the situation your friend is in. It is very difficult to see people you care for get hurt over and over again.
Perhaps a night or weekend with the guys is a good way to exclude the wife. That means you wouldn't be able to go along, though.
Maybe your husband can arrange something for the both of them to just get out of town on a guys night out.
Another idea. But I have to ask if David knows that you don't like his wife. If he does, you can just say we are having a birthday dinner for you at the house and your wife is not invited. That would be akward to tell him, but you have the right not to have her at your home.
Whatever you end up doing, I am sure David will appreciate it.
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