I'm so so so sorry that your having such a hard time! It will pass and it will get better! It is stressful to care for so many furbabies and especially when you have one that wants to pee everywhere!Maybe David needed to blow off some steam and he will feel differently in the morning. Sometimes you just have to let go and it sounds like he did The holidays add more financial stress and maybe that made him think about how much the kitties cost. I really bet things look better in the morning.
I have no idea what else you can do to get Phoebe to stop peeing everywhere. We all know the trouble little Katie has caused for her family. We are going through a similar situation right now because I haven't gotten the two youngest boys fixed yet. They are marking things and we all know how that smells!! My husband knows that we can't get them to the vet due to work hours and money until after the first of the year. He only lost his patience once and this is what I did. Maybe this will make you smile. He went to bed one night before me so by the time I got there he was already asleep. I crawled in under the covers and landed right in a big wet pee spot!! Instead of waking him up and changing the sheets I got up took a shower and then went to sleep in the recliner!! I let him sleep all night under the pi$$y blanket and I felt so much better for doing that! That was my way of getting even!! Fortunately my husband is very patient and kind and loves the cats very much. He just occasionally has enough, but sometimes it is overwhelming for us all!
I know you have talked to the vet about Phoebe and I suppose there wasn't any advice that would help?