* Convalescent home: "For the sick and tired of the Episcopal Church"

* Gas Station: "Eat Here. Get Gas."

* Department Store: " Our Credit Manager is Helen Wait. If you want credit go to Helen Waite."

* Headline - Strike Continues: "If Strike Isn't Settled Quickly, It May Last A While"

* Classified Ad: Three month old puppies for sale. Half lab / half neighbor's sneaky dog

* Bulldog for sale: Eats anything. Very fond of children.

* Maternity ward: "No children allowed."

* Bakery Truck: "Bimbo Bakery: We got some hot buns."

* Restaurant: "Try our chowder -- it's thick and rich, just like the boss!"

* Bread Company Truck: "The loaf you save maybe your own." "We butter our buns for you." * News Headline: "Autos Killing 110 a Day -- Let's Resolve to Do Better"

* Stuffed fish on wall: "If I had kept my mouth shut I wouldn't be here."

* Restaurant Sign: "Open seven days a week and weekends."

* New York restaurant: "Customers who find our waitresses rude ought to see the manager."

* New Orleans restaurant Menu: "Blackened bluefish"

* Men's Clothing Store: "15 men's wool suits - $100 - They won't last an hour!"

* Propane Company: "Got Gas?"

* Exterminator: "Vacation special: Have your home exterminated. Get rid of aunts."

* Bread Company Truck: "The loaf you save maybe your own." We butter our buns for you."

* Rib Restaurant: "If you didn't have ribs, you'd fall down."

* Newspaper Headline: "Patient At Death's Door -- Doctors Pull Him Through"