1) I must be allowed to exit the house whenever I see those impudent sparrows out in the yard, when I need to check the weather, when I need to make my security patrol, or just because.

2) I must have complete access to the sofa, which must be free of any and all sticky tape. Moreover, my mom is strictly forbidden to clip my claws!

3) I must have complete access to the cupboards, even the one under the sink where Mom keeps the nasty smelling stuff. Osama bin Laden could be hiding anywhere!

4) My mom must play with me whenever I want, even if she is late for work.

5) When I curl up on my mom's lap and go to sleep, my mom is "cemented" to the sofa. She is forbidden to get up to visit the "human box," get out her own treats* or go get the section of the newspaper she hasn't read.

* I will consider excusing her from this demand if the treat includes a mug of milk, and she shares.

Signed:

Don Juan el Gato Magnifico y Hermoso Fuzzball
Cat of the Day, July 14, 2003

DJ/eaf