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Thread: Relearning - warning, possibly offensive

  1. #1
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    Relearning - warning, possibly offensive

    Warning: Animal cruelty will be mentioned in this thread. I know this thread is going to upset some people - but I implore you to really, really read it and understand it as it is meant.

    Most of the people on Pet Talk were raised by good people who taught them to respect and value animals for the living, feeling, thinking beings that they are.

    Unfortunately - Pet Talkers are a rare breed of people. I'm not sure, but I think that most people do not value animals in the same way as the people on Pet Talk. Most of us did not have that sort of upbringing, and we have had to come to our new understanding of animals on our own or through communication with others who already understand animals - you.

    The rest of us count on you to guide us and help us in our quest to develop good relationships with animals. If you truly love animals, then you will take this duty seriously because then we will pass your love of animals down to our children and they will pass it down to theirs, and millions of animals will eventually benefit from your kindness.

    In order for you to teach the rest of us, you must understand us and know why we do the things we do, and feel the things we feel, and why we sometimes don't understand the things which are so obvious to you!

    So - I will use examples of my upbringing to hopefully help you to understand. Fortunately, most people aren't as terrible as my father was. However many, many of the things he did are actually very common and some of his attitudes are prevalent.

    When I was growing up there were a few rules regarding animals.

    Rule #1:
    Nothing with fur is allowed in the house. Ever. Things with fur are filthy and carry diseases and do not ever belong in the house with humans.

    Rule #2:
    Any animal who destroys or damages anything belonging to anybody in this family must be destroyed.

    Rule #3:
    You must know that animals are objects and do not have feelings. They do not think. Any actions which you observe which give the impression of thoughts or feelings are purely instinctual. Animals do not feel physical or emotional pain. You must never form an emotional attachment to them.

    Those three rules may seem extreme to you - but I can't count the number of people I know who believe those things!

    Now - you might say "OK - even if your parents told you those things, you should know well enough not to believe them! You have a mind of your own! You should stand up to your parents. You shouldn't let them do things to hurt animals."

    This is why I feel it's necessary to mention animal cruelty. My father ingrained those rules into our brains by forcing us to watch animal abuse with our eyes wide open. He didn't stop until each of us was able to watch it without flinching or crying or having nightmares or becoming upset in any way. He stripped us of our feelings for animals.

    To enforce rule #1, he threw all animals out of the house. Through the attic fan while it was running, if they would fit. We were chastised if we cried, and reminded that those things wouldn't happen if we didn't bring the animals inside in the first place, to contaminate our home.

    Many parents don't go to this extreme measure - but they do throw the animals outside and the children have to lay in bed listening to the poor things whine and cry outside in the cold.

    After a while - you stop bringing the animals in. You want to believe your parents are good people - that's the nature of children! So you believe that they're just doing what they have to do to teach you a necessary lesson. If you're smart, you stop adopting strays altogether. Unfortunately most kids aren't that smart.

    To enforce rule #2, he shot our Malamute (who had bitten my brother) in the chest and made us watch her die. We couldn't pet her or comfort her. We couldn't come inside the house until she was dead. It took several hours. Our ages: 12, 10, 7, 5, and 3. He also made us watch while he shot several other dogs and cats.

    Other parents might not be so obvious about it. They "give the animals away to a rich family" or let them "run away" or "get lost". It's just as cruel to the animals, though less traumatic for the children. There's nothing the children can do to prevent this. It's not the children's fault! If your parents were doing these things, wouldn't you want to believe them? It sure would be easier than knowing the truth.

    To enforce rule #3, he made us keep all animals outdoors without any sort of shelter. If we fed them, we were only allowed to feed them leftovers which were unfit for human consumption. They were not allowed to receive vet care. If our mother spent money on stupid things, the checkbook was taken away. Then she couldn't even go to the grocery store. So - the animals were not vaccinated and if they became ill they were shot. Why should we worry about it anyway? They couldn't feel. Diseases didn't hurt them.

    Children can't do anything about their parents' financial situations or their beliefs about the necessity of caring for animals. Unfortunately, those beliefs are often passed on.


    What do you think happens when these children grow up and have children of their own? They have been brainwashed. They're not cruel people. Maybe they work at soup kitchens or adopt foster children or help their elderly neighbors. They may go out of their way to help people, because people have thoughts and feelings. But to them animals are just possessions. Disposable. Like the chair in the dining room.

    Is it their fault that they are that way? You would be that way too if you were forced to witness the abuse of animals year after year.

    Please - when somebody comes on this board for advice about animals, commend them for coming! Teach them to value and respect animals! Don't be angry at them for not knowing. Don't assume that anything is common knowledge.

    If a person happens to pay good money for a mixed breed puppy, give them the advice they need about spaying/neutering, and good animal care. Let them know in a nice way that backyard breeders are being cruel to animals. Don't berate them for being stupid enough to buy the puppy to begin with!

    If somebody's parents bring home another puppy after disposing of countless other puppies - talk to that person nicely! See if she knows what's wrong with doing that. She probably does but is unable to control her parents. She probably wants to do everything she can to make that puppy's life as good as possible and to train that puppy to be good so that her parents won't get rid of it. At least she's strong enough not to follow in her parents beliefs about animals! She comes here, doesn't she?

    If somebody feeds their dog a lower quality food, don't assume they know that it's not OK to do that! They may think they're doing something wonderful because they're not feeding the dog rotten leftovers!

    Please - be patient and nice and teach people to love and respect animals. Don't be mean and teach them to dislike animal advocates.

    I really appreciate everything Pet Talk has taught me. If I hadn't joined Pet Talk, Jake would still be sitting around with ear infections because I wouldn't even believe he could feel pain. Because of Pet Talk I have four healthy and happy animals. Pet Talk has been more valuable to me than I can even express!

    Please take the responsibility of teaching others seriously, and don't use pet talk as a way to vent your frustrations at people. If you want to help animals, kindly teaching people is the way to do it.


    Thanks for the siggy, Lexi_Lover!

  2. #2
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    I'm so sorry you and your animals had to go through that, but I'm so happy to see that your father's views were not instilled in you!! I know not everyone is a fanatic about animals like I am, but I truly cannot understand anyone who believes as your father did. I just don't get it.

    RIP to all those sweet angels that were done away with before their time.

  3. #3
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    I know it's absolutely terrible, Samantha. It's like the animal holocaust because many, many people do those things! He did it because his dad did it. His dad did it because his grandpa did. And back, and back through the years.


    Thanks for the siggy, Lexi_Lover!

  4. #4
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    Thank you. You bring a perspective to this board that many have never encountered, we are glad you are here to teach us what other people have to overcome.

    It is, by the way, a good thing your Dad never met my Dad. I won't go further than that, but suffice it to say my upbringing was as opposite of yours as can be.

    Thank you, bless you, and thank you for helping us understand.

  5. #5
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    I don't know Karen - maybe my dad should have met your dad!


    Thanks for the siggy, Lexi_Lover!

  6. #6
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    Im sorry for your past expeirences.. in watching it i mean.. That must have been horrible.. R.I.P pups ,, i think you are absolutley right about how instead of being angry, inform them, i feel the same.. Thanks for informing us and 'teaching' us..

  7. #7
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    I found it hard to read, but I wasn't offended, Stacwase. I am just incredibly sorry that you endured so much as a child, as well as your siblings. And of course, I'm so sorry for the animals who were in the care of your father.

    I, like Karen, was brought up totally opposite. My parents probably didn't always do things the way I would now, but I truly believe that my mother instilled in me the values that I have towards all animals now, and my sensitivity towards their needs.

    Thank you for reversing the trend in your family. I hope your brothers and sisters have done the same thing.

    Logan

  8. #8
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    Thanks for that insight.
    You are right - while my father taught us to love nature and the creatures within and all living animals are beautiful and feel and should be treated with respect-my mother was always selfish and would "get rid" of pets because they were an inconvenience to her. Thankfully she was not so cruel as to shoot them or destroy them in cruel ways-but instead they would go to a shelter-or she would find them a new home.
    But our poor family dog was mistreated and neglected for years after I left home - but I lived too far away to come take care of her.
    In spite of her selfishness, I came thru being a true animal lover and "mom" did not rub off on me. I think there is hope for most-once they experience the love an animal can give.
    I try hard to instill these things in my nephews and I will with my niece as she grows too (she is only 6 months old now) But you are so right-we are products of our parents, and it is up to us to help change the views of these people.

  9. #9
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    That is the truth! I commend you for bringing that to peoples attention.

    Althugh my father was not quite as drastic as yours he did believe if an animal did not suite you that it was disposable. Forget about trying to train the animal or anything. He did believe an animal could be in the house but ONLY in the mud room. The animal could go to the vets ONLY for rabies & to be neutered/spayed.
    Although my mother & I loved animals & knew this was not right we had no other choice but to put up with it.

    I also understand that others may not know as well as my mother & I did, some people truely believe what you said is right because that is how they were brought up.

    I really try my darn hardest to teach people about animals w/o being rude & yelling etc.. I say I am sorry if that has ever happend, it must of been a bad day where I left my brain in bed.
    Soar high & free my sweet fur angels. I love you Nanook & Raustyk... forever & ever.


  10. #10
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    That is so horrible. Don't be angry at me when saying your father sounded like a horrible man. I'm so thankful that you somehow escaped being like him. There's no telling the amount of damage he did to you and your siblings. Is there something that happened to him when he was young to make him behave that way?

    9/3/13
    I did the right thing by setting you free
    But the pain is very deep.
    If only I could turn back time, forever, you I'd keep.
    I miss you


    I hear you whimper in your sleep
    I gently pet you and say, no bad dreams
    It will be alright, to my dog as dark as night.

    Fur as dark as the night.
    Join me on this flight.
    Paws of love that follow me.
    In my heart you'll forever be.
    [/SIZE]



    How I wish I could hold you near.
    Turn back time to make it so.
    Hug you close and never let go.
    11/12/06




  11. #11
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    Of course something happened to him, Dukedogsmom! He was raised by somebody just like him.

    I'm not looking for sympathy at all. I'm fine. I just want to emphasize that we need to be understanding and teach people who come on this board not knowing about how to love and care for animals. There are reasons for their lack of knowledge! We are all products of our environment. Pet Talk is an environment which can help people to become loving pet parents, instead of cold hearted pet owners. But we have to be a loving example of that - not hateful or mean.


    Thanks for the siggy, Lexi_Lover!

  12. #12
    Im sorry your father made you go through that kind of stuff.

  13. #13
    WOW I could barely hold back the tears when I read this. Is your father still alive? Has he sought counceling? I am sorry for those animals and for you to have been brought up that way and am so thankful you chose your own path, one which is right. Thank you for coming here and explaining to us all. I agree with you.
    Fuzzies for Furries
    Northwest Opossum Society
    Zoology Major
    2 Virginia Opossums, 6 cats, 4 bearded dragons, 1 iguana, 1 red foot tortoise, 1 tripod chihuahua, 5 mice, dubia and hissing cockroaches as well as other misc animals that wander in and out of my home.

  14. #14
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    What a terrible and wonderful thread. It is terrible for obvious reasons. However, it is wonderful because it is preaching that we (pet talkers) should be the beginning of the end of these practices. I'm sorry that you had to experience such horrible things and you have no idea how glad I am that you broke that chain. I think it is already starting to get better because I don't know anyone who is that extreme. As Karen already said, it is a good thing your father didn't meet mine either Thank you for putting things into perspective.
    Billy and Willy! (2 of my 4)


  15. #15
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    I think that we are all going away from the whole point of stacwase's thread.
    Yes, the way her father treated animals was cruel-but her point was for us to understand that everyone is not as knowledgeable about pets as some of us-and we should try to overlook that and give advice when asked for it-instead of judging people and criticizing them-a good example-the thread about the girl who is getting her first dog-the shih-poo- instead of offering good advice-and helping her-she got a lot of nasty remarks about the type of dog she is choosing, backyard breeders, etc., etc.
    Hello-don't you get it???

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