I'm so sorry, but you can not think of yourself as murderer...You are actually an angel to every kitty that you have helped. I know that it is hard to think that way now, but in the long run think of all the GOOD you are doing.

I have been in the same circumstances as you, and I have come to realization that making the decision to help a kitty and then find out it is sick and would be in a better place by being PTS is the hardest decision I have ever had to make. I truely beleive God sends us these kitties for a reason. He sent me Cleo, she never, ever let me touch her, but for some reason she stayed with me for 2 years. It was so hard for me when she was so so sick to make the decision that she needed to be in a better place. I stayed with her until she was gone.

Tobias came to me in August last year, he was the sickest cat I had ever had. I nursed him back to heatlh and was taken from me in November.....life is not fair, we cry and grieve and ask WHY?, but does that stop us from taking in another.....No, we continue to help the kitties that are less fortunate.

You did a wonderful thing. OK, enough of my rambling.