Oh, Aly, I am so sorry that you had to make that final decision for Peka. Only those of us who have had to do that can understand how terribly hard it is both before and after. As others have said, you gave Peka so much in this last year...more love, more care, more consideration than I believe many humans receive in their waning years. You are an Angel of Mercy. Peka knew you loved her deeply. As for not staying with her during the actual transition, I also am one who could not do that with either of my two RB girls. Like you I felt just awful about my failure to *be there*, but I just couldn't imagine seeing the life drain from the ones I loved so deeply. I too would not have been able to breath. Although I certainly wished I would have had the strenghth to stay, I recognize my own personal limitations. If presented with the opportunity to go back and do it differently, I still wouldn't be able to stay. I doubt my two judge me for the last minute of their life, but for our lifetime together.