Im sorry about your niki, too! Its been almost three months on October 5th, and I too, am without my right arm...thats a great way to put it. We can talk more if you like...seems we are both going through alot right now. I guess I havent gotten to the point you have yet as far as letting go, I just cant seem to. I mean somedays are better than others, but lately I seem to be going through a complete Shina meltdown and I cry at the very though of her. Do you have an instant messengers? If you want to chat that is... I have em all, unfortunately...LOL