Alison it's going to be rough going for a while now. I remember how I felt when my last two poodles died. It's funny the things that you remember about them.....little cute things that pop into your mind....and then the tears start again. I was just talking about Whitney, my standard poodle, the other day and I felt myself starting to fill up and it's been over 4 yrs. My heart goes out to you because you and Bella put up such a fight and it's still probably very hard to believe that Bella did not win. We share your grief. Maybe that helps a little.