If some of these have been used, sorry. I haven't read the thread.

1. If you can't drink and drive, why do you need a driver's license to by alcohol, and why do bars have parking lots?

2. Should crematoriums give a discount for burn victims?

3. What happens if you get scared half to death twice?

4. When your pet bird sees you reading the newpaper, does he or she wonder why you are staring at a piece of carpet?

5. Whose cruel idea was it for "lisp" to have an "s"?

6. Why does Donald Duck wear a towel when he comes out of the shower if he doesn't wear pants anyway?