Not only do we have feral kitties in common, but I also had to put my 11ish year old kitty Lucy (Jezzy's sister) to sleep about a year and a half ago. Lucy had developed Lymphoma, and we took care of her in this condition until it became clear that living was just becoming a struggle for her. I was very close to that little girl, and loved her with all my heart. Both my husband and I were devastated when she passed away, and still miss her tons. So I know what you mean on that front, too.