Bridget, you have a lot of wonderful, positive points in the letter, but is there some way to eliminate or rephrase the parts about not making him mad, or angry? Those would only be red flags. For example:
"I hope you read it carefully as I am only trying to show you our point of view." Also, you can delete "you forgot one" because it's redundant. I think you really need to get to the point quick with this guy.

Good luck!