My dad emailed me this before, but not that it'll be of any help,hehe:
HOW TO GIVE A CAT A PILL
> 1. Pick up cat, cradle in the crook of your left arm as if hold a baby,
> position forefinger and thumb on either side of the cat's mouth and gently
> apply pressure to cheeks while holding pill in right hand. As cat opens
> mouth, pop pill into mouth. Allow cat to close mouth and swallow.
> 2. Retrieve pill from floor and cat from behind sofa. Cradle cat in arm
> and repeat process.
> 3. Retrieve cat from bedroom and throw soggy pill away.
> 4. Take new pill from foil wrap, cradle cat in left arm, holding rear paws
> tightly with left hand. Force jaws open and push pill to back of mouth
> with right forefinger. Hold mouth shut and count to ten.
> 5. Retrieve pill from goldfish bowl and cat from top of wardrobe. Call
> partner in from garden.
> 6. Kneel on floor with cat wedged firmly between knees, hold front and
> rear paws. Ignore low growls emitted by cat. Get partner to hold head
> firmly with one hand while forcing wooden ruler into mouth. Drop pill down
> ruler and rub cat's throat vigorously.
> 7. Retrieve cat from curtain rail: get another pill from foil wrap. Make
> note to buy new ruler and repair curtains. Carefully sweep shattered
> figurines and vases from hearth and set to one side for gluing later.
> 8. Wrap cat in large towel and get partner to lie on cat with head just
> visible from below armpit. Put pill in end of drinking straw; force cat's
> mouth open with pencil and blow down straw.
> 9. Check label to see if pill is harmful to humans, drink a pint of beer
> to take taste away. Apply Band-Aid to partner's forearm and remove blood
> from carpet with cold water and soap.
> 10. Retrieve cat from neighbor's shed. Get another pill. Open another
> beer. Place cat in cupboard, and close door firmly onto neck, to leave
> head showing. Force mouth open with dessert spoon. Flick pill down throat
> with elastic band.
> 11. Fetch screwdriver from garage and put cupboard door back on hinges.
> Drink beer. Fetch bottle of scotch; pour a shot and drink. Apply cold
> compress to cheek and check records for date of last tetanus shot. Apply
> whisky compress to cheek to disinfect and then toss back another shot.
> Throw away remnant of T-shirt and fetch new one from bedroom.
> 12. Call fire brigade to remove f*****g cat from the tree across the road.
> Apologize to neighbor who crashed his car into a fence while swerving to
> avoid the cat. Take last pill from wrap.
> 13. Tie the little b*****d's front paws to his rear paws with garden twine
> and bind tightly to leg of dining table. Find heavy-duty pruning gloves
> from shed. Push pill into mouth followed by large piece of filet mignon.
> Hold head vertically and pour two pints of cold water down throat to wash
> pill down.
> 14. Consume remainder of scotch.
> 15. Get partner to drive you to hospital, sit quietly while doctor
> stitches fingers, forearm and removes remnants of pill from left eye. Call
> into furniture shop on way home and order a new dining table.
> 16. Arrange for SPCA to collect mutant-cat-from-hell and call local pet
> shop to see if they have any hamsters.

HOW TO GIVE A DOG A PILL
> 1. Wrap it in bacon.

Hope this helps!