Anna - I can relate to the early menopause thing - I had my tubes tied when I was 36, and went instantly into menopause after that. Periods just stopped cold, and I had the classic symptoms.
My doctor (who performed the tubal ligation) refused to acknowledge that it could be menopause, so I had to go see another doctor (a woman), who prescribed estrogen and progesterone for me. We also tried some testosterone, but that didn't work too well - my hair got very oily and my acne got worse, so I stopped before I grew a beard (LOL).
After I had been on the hormone combination for a few months, the hot flashes went away and my moods levelled out. I'm still taking hormones daily, even though there are supposed to be risks, but I want to stay "young" for a few more years yet. The way my doctor explained it, the added risk of heart attacks or breast cancer is very minimal, and I decided that I couldn't be miserable like that for the rest of my life.

When I got the hot flashes, it happened at work a lot, and of course, I had to get a bizarre version of them: my whole face wouldn't turn beet red, just MY NOSE and the sides of my ears. I started referring to myself as "Rudolph"! My entire head would break into a sweat, and I would feel like I had a horrible fever.
And yes, Anna, my husband must have really loved me too, because I was EVIL crabby (yes, even more than I am now, if you can believe that ).

So after I had been on the hormones for TWO YEARS, my regular Dr. asked me who prescribed them and why I was on them, and when I insisted AGAIN that I was in menopause, he ordered some blood tests and then informed me that yes, I was. Gee, thanks for the news flash, Doc!