You could be describing my Sidney who is six years old. He used to be totally terrified whenever someone came by. It was as if he lost all ability to be domestic and was reverting to his wilder instincts. But we have showered him with affection, and it is paying off. He will never be a laid back, friendly kitty to others, but if we have visitors, he can actually begin to warm up to them after an hour or two. He'll even allow others to pet him.

When we got him from the shelter, his little bio said "needs a lot of TLC" - so apparently they could tell that he was under-socialized. He is not a lap cat, but is very sweet. He loves to be petted and have his chin and head scratched. He'll sit on the back of the couch right next to us.

So there is hope. Just accept him for who he is and shower him with love.