A freind of mine just sent these to me:

Things I MUST remember as a dog:


01. The garbage collector is not stealing our stuff..

02. I do not need to suddenly stand straight up when I'm lying under the
coffee table..

03. I will not roll my toys behind the fridge, behind the sofa or under the
bed..

04. I must shake the rainwater out of my fur before entering the house..

05. I will not eat the cats' food, before they eat it or after they throw it up..

06. I will stop trying to find the few remaining pieces of clean carpet in
the house when I am about to get sick..

07. I will not throw up in the car..

08. I will not roll on dead seagulls, fish, crabs, etc., just because I like the way they smell..

09. "Kitty box crunches," although they are tasty, are not food..

10. I will not eat any more Kleenex or napkins and then redeposit them in the backyard after processing..

11. The diaper pail is not a cookie jar..

12. I will not chew my human's toothbrush and not tell them..

13. I will not chew crayons or pens, especially not the red ones, or my
people will think I am hemorrhaging..

14. When in the car, I will not insist on having the window rolled down when it's raining outside..

15. We do not have a doorbell. I will not bark each time I hear one on TV..

16. I will not steal my mom's underwear and dance all over the backyard with it..

17. The sofa is not a face towel. Neither are Mom and Dad's laps..

18. My head does not belong in the refrigerator..

19. I will not bite the officer's hand when he reaches in for mom's driver's license and car registration..

20. I will not play tug-of-war with dad's underwear when he's on the toilet..

21. I will not eat mint-flavored dental floss out of the bathroom and then have a string hanging out of my butt..

22. I will not use "roll around in the dirt" as an option after just getting a bath..

23. Sticking my nose into someone's crotch is not an acceptable way of saying hello..

24. I will not hump on any person's leg just because I thought it was the right thing to do..

25. I will not fart in my owners face while sleeping on the pillow next to their head..

26. I will not come in from outside and immediately drag my butt across the carpet..

27. The toilet bowl is not a never-ending water supply and, just because the water is blue, it doesn't mean it is cleaner..

28. I will not sit in the middle of the living room and lick my crotch when company is over..

29. Suddenly turning around and smelling my butt can quickly clear a room..

30. The cat is not a squeaky toy so when I play with him and he makes that noise, it's usually not a good thing..