{{I'm so sorry, Amy.}}
I can understand a bit of what you are going through. When I was little (in first grade), my mom's mom passed away. We went to her funeral--first I'd ever been too--and up until 2 years ago, it was the last I had attended. It was awful--I'd much rather remember her living--her laughter, movements, voice....

My mom lost her brother the next year and I was a bit relieved when mom said I didn't have to go. That's not to say I didn't grieve in my own way--I missed him, still do.

It's hard. VERY hard.
{{I'm here for ya if you need anything at all!}}