Random thoughts

[Karen]

I think you need to sit down with your husband on a calm day, and discuss with him a set of written "rules" for his mother to follow while she is here, or she can expect to be told to get a rental room somewhere instead. Make a list - laundry, dishes, whatever, list out every possible chore. Discuss it calmly, and see what can be worked out.

There is hope- she is not the only one who needs to change.

[cassiesmom]

I think you need to sit down with your husband on a calm day, and discuss with him a set of written "rules" for his mother to follow while she is here, or she can expect to be told to get a rental room somewhere instead. Make a list - laundry, dishes, whatever, list out every possible chore. Discuss it calmly, and see what can be worked out.

There is hope- she is not the only one who needs to change.

Especially if he's going to be working 12-hour days during her visit. I think an advance plan is a terrific idea. A similar thing happened to my family many years ago when a family friend visited. She wanted to cook for us, but she didn't have a car and I ended up taking her to the supermarket, the butcher, the bakery ... She was having such a lovely time with us (after we had been her AirB&B, restaurant, laundry and maid service for ten days) that she wanted to stay another week. We firmly told her that wouldn't work for us. When she left it was like a three ring circus had just left town. Looking back, we'd have done a lot better with some sort of agenda made out in advance.

(((HUGS))) Wish I was closer and could help you. Kiss your kitties for me

[mon]

Thanks Karen and cassiesmom. I'll consider it, the list I mean. If she does dishes, there's always dried food left on the plates and cutlery, yuuuck. If she crams them in the dishwasher there's also too much food on them and I gotta do it myself anyway. She does lift her feet up whilst I vaccume however. She'll just ignore a list, I'll get angry. There's no point, that's 30 yrs. of experience talking. I'm just going to do the same as usual, try and get her to clean up after herself and let the rest go. We won't let her come back for a VERY long time after this, at least a year. I'll try and change as much as I can, I don't expect she'll change much...😂

[mon]

Especially if he's going to be working 12-hour days during her visit. I think an advance plan is a terrific idea. A similar thing happened to my family many years ago when a family friend visited. She wanted to cook for us, but she didn't have a car and I ended up taking her to the supermarket, the butcher, the bakery ... She was having such a lovely time with us (after we had been her AirB&B, restaurant, laundry and maid service for ten days) that she wanted to stay another week. We firmly told her that wouldn't work for us. When she left it was like a three ring circus had just left town. Looking back, we'd have done a lot better with some sort of agenda made out in advance.

(((HUGS))) Wish I was closer and could help you. Kiss your kitties for me

That sounds familiar, exactly my experience! I am so sorry for you, wasn't that dreadful!! I know, unfortunately I can totally relate my friend. Hope she never came back. 😁

[mon]

You are saints for bearing with me, truly. I just sent Mum in Law an e mail explaining that I expect her to help around the house, help with everything, every day she stays. Only when she is feeling better after her laser cataract procedures of course. I also said that she has been coming for years and never helps out and that I really cannot physically do it all anymore, especially for that length of time. I have DDD and arthritis so I do the best I can but truth be told, she gets around far better than I unfortunately. I know that she will get really drunk, tell all her cronies at the bar and then send me a scorching, resentful e mail. I told her not to bother with that. Either help out at the very least or find other accommodations. I also know she will try to pit her son against me and cry. I don't care, told her that too. You pick your battles and I choose very few. I've had enough. I've been dealing with the consequences of this and shall continue to do so, on my terms now. Oh MY, maybe pray for me....? 😮😳

[mon]

That went well. Mum in Law says she'll help out all the time, just doesn't want to interfere or cross the line. Not a clue what that means. No way does she want to stay anywhere else. She loves and adores both of us madly and all will be well. Pretty sure that means she'll just buy me lots of stuff, drink more and try to stop eating off plates. Thanks for listening people, I apologize for carrying on so. Thanks again.

[cassiesmom]

That went well. Mum in Law says she'll help out all the time, just doesn't want to interfere or cross the line. Not a clue what that means. No way does she want to stay anywhere else. She loves and adores both of us madly and all will be well. Pretty sure that means she'll just buy me lots of stuff, drink more and try to stop eating off plates. Thanks for listening people, I apologize for carrying on so. Thanks again.

Yay! This is good news! (((HUGS))) -elyse

[phesina]

Well done, mon! Here's hoping things work out for the better this time around.

{{{{{HUGS}}}}} and ~~~~PURRRS~~~~ and from Pat and Sparkler