P.s. Shit! I might know how you feel. My beloved Mozart was a sealpoint Siamese cat and the love of my life. He was an indoor cat and.... long story short, many events happened, move, breakup, he had 4 adopted bros and sisters, Mozart was Papa and mother to them all. When the human family broke up he missed them terribly. Finally let him out for an instant one day as he was screaming as a communicative, vocal and highly intelligent Siamese being he was, into what looked like a perfectly safe, sunny, fenced yard in Surrey B.C. I looked away for a few minutes and I never saw him again. My heart is still scarred after 20 yrs. at least , and now I only remember the best times. Accidents happen, there's no going back and my darling Mozart who I raised from a very small kitten and still know for a fact was the smartest, most loving and most beautiful cat in the world to me, is not with me anymore. My love for him is stronger than ever and I miss him with all my heart. Point is, love is the best, and I have had many cats and loved them so much since then...but .... there is a very special place, a private and personal spot in my heart of hearts that is Mozarts alone, and I will hold him there forever. Life is for the living, enjoy it. Andrus would surely want you too, don't you think.