So sorry that Maya passed, I know you have been through a lot. I can't change anything after one of my cats pass. I just clean and, don't judge me..... go to a shelter in no more than two or 3 days and adopt a homeless cat. My husband and I have felt that helps tremendously to move on. One can grieve and also heal simultaneously. Not for everyone one absolutely, for 30 yrs. it's helped us to cope. The pain is still very hard and my heart goes out to you, please lean on all of Pet talkers because we will support you no matter what. ❤️