This certainly is a tricky one! Firstly I want to say well done you for being such a saint of an owner and doing whatever it takes to care for a cat with such a condition - you are a minority amongst pet owners and a breath of fresh air for most vets!!
Has she been spayed, and if so, when? There is a link between incontinence and spaying, however as you have said that the incontinence meds make her so lethargic then this would be a difficult avenue to pursue.
You don't appear to have been winning with the steroids so I would advise against going with prednisolone or similar steroids again. Prolonged use is likely to induce other hormonal problems and since she's so young it would be awful to cause another problem for her. See what your vet says regarding this, of course.
I'd also be really careful of what you can order from Amazon - again this is something to speak to your vet about. The homeopathic products in particular, whist they certainly do provide relief in some cases, have no evidence base behind them, plus the dilution values have probably not been calculated and confirmed by vets. I spoke to a homeopath (not a vet or remotely medical person) recently who claimed her 'veterinary' product was effective in all species, including reptiles, birds, etc - unfortunately this is the kind of twaddle that well-intentioned but ultimately ignorant people will use to sell an untested product. I don't know much about the 'Leaks no more' product, but if you do go ahead with it I think it would be best to take a bottle in to your vet and ask him/her to check the ingredients, just to ensure that nothing is going to work in conflict with anything prescribed for your cat.
The thoughts I had whilst reading your post with regards to the problem were interstitial cystitis (your vet may also call it idiopathic cystitis) or potentially a bladder polyp or tumour. Has she had an ultrasound on her bladder? A tumour is relatively unlikely in a cat of her age and as she seems to have been suffering from these symptoms for a long time it makes me doubt myself, but it would be worth checking out if it hasn't already. Interstitial cystitis is more of a problem as the cause is very difficult to identify in both veterinary and human medicine so unfortunately trial and error is often the only way of stumbling across something that works. A congenital defect is possible, but I would have thought that this may have become apparent when her catheter was placed last time.
I wish you the best of luck with her, she is lucky to have someone so caring. Do let us all know how she gets on.
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