Well...I have an irregular heartbeat.

[Alysser]

As some of you know, I have a heart condition known as Tetralogy of Fallot. I had Open Heart Surgery when I was five and some other procedures at 11 months old and 7 years old. It was a huge deal to my parents, and I get that. But for me, I have kind of pretended it doesn't exist my entire life. I deal with it one day a year when I go to the Cardiologist. I've let it sit at the back of my mind. I don't talk about it. I never let it stop me from doing anything, okay well except smoking (ick) and the obvious things, but sports, no. As a kid I was told no constantly on sports or things I've wanted to do and as I got older I didn't listen. I'm pretty active and do a lot of hiking, biking, mountain biking, etc. Hell, I'm doing a triathlon on Saturday. Anyway, I've made threads about this before and how I've felt like I've been treated like an invalid because of this. I'm not trying to create a sob story or retell something I've said here previously.

Anyway, I went today and had an Echo. I have an irregular heartbeat. Last year, my heart had actually shrunk (which is rare) which is an amazing thing and I was so lucky and for once I thought I'd never have to deal with this again. I didn't get an appointment to see the Doctor today, just testing. They are calling my mom over the next week about it after the doctor finds out.

I'm just annoyed. I know it'll never go away. I know I'll be stuck with it for the rest of my darn life. I know I'll have the scar down my chest my entire life. I know that and I just can't seem to accept it. I've been told I have so much potential yet, here's another blip in the road trying to hold me back. My career choice isn't an "ideal" situation for this, I'll be in the woods most of my career, at least in the beginning. I can't get into the army or anything I've wanted to do because of it. I just feel like it's a weakness, and I can't stand showing weakness or having weaknesses. I know this sounds like a whiny kid and I know it's probably nothing and I probably don't need surgery for it but I just really don't like the cards I've been dealt right now. Sometimes I'm accepting of it, sometimes I care, and sometimes I'm "proud" of what I've gone through but it mostly just annoys and irritates me and makes me look like a meek person.

I know "I'm more than my ailment" or so I've been told hundreds of times but sometimes I just don't feel like I am.

This sounds like a whiny sob story, that wasn't my intention. sorry just wanted to rant. I'm being whiny and annoying and I'll probably regret posting this because I'm just in a bad mood right now. Normally I try to refrain from things like this...but yeah.

[Karen]

It is perfectly fine to rant about this, trust me. I am glad you lived to grow up, and we all got to know you - without that surgery, who knows! And while you cannot participate in some of the things you would like to, you are more fortunate than many, many people. I would never list your illness as something to describe you, rather think of it as an obstacle you are overcoming every day you wake up and face another day!

And the irregular heartbeat is not necessarily permanent, either, could be just a blip. Remember we all love you, and while the muscle itself may be a bit defective, your "heart" works just fine!

[Freedom]

I'm sorry you have to deal with this!

Just think, you have already shown you are a special, unique person: known here on PT world wide, loved Sassy and the life you have given to Mikey is absolutely fantastic! You ARE doing things, you are not just sitting around in a pity party, wasting your life away. Good for you! You have Spirit, Alicia!

You are quite entitled to a rant, another frustrating blip has come into your plans. Is it a blip or an obstacle, only time will tell.

I often wonder, if you did not have this condition, would you want to be in the military? I know you are quite defiant at times, lol, and most likely we will never know the answer tot hat question. This is all what makes you, YOU.

Things are not perfect, for any of us. You have more to deal with than some, a 'perfect life' compared to many others. Hang on, get through the anger and frustration of this latest development, and move on, as you always do. We love you here on PT and we care about you.

[Casper]

I'm sorry, Alyssa. I know how much you love the outdoors, and I can only imagine how such news could bring you down. Heck, I had heart issues for only about a year or so and it drove me absolutely mad. (((hugs))) to you for putting up with all that. You DO have a ton of potential, and I don't think this will hold you back. You're strong... you'll kick this "blip" in the rear.

My boyfriend has a history of seizures and all the time we have to take that into account. No flashy lights(which means no concerts, haunted houses, parties), limited time playing video games, etc. I see a lot of frustration coming from him in such situations, so I can kinda see how you feel. Like you, he proceeds with some things he isn't technically supposed to do. I admire people like you and him who don't let uncontrollable conditions get in the way too much.

Oh, and don't feel ashamed for ranting! We're humans and its best if we get things off our chests. PT is always here to listen!
Best of luck at the triathlon!

[chocolatepuppy]

Hang in there Alyssa. Just look at all you have done and are doing! I'm always thrilled with your hiking pictures and stories of all the animals you work with.
Keep on moving forward girl. You're beautiful and strong and a very nice person. You are loved by many!

[Litterati]

Never ever feel ashamed for ranting - life is tough enough without our adding to the situation by blaming ourselves/putting ourselves down just for feeling something that is 100% valid (and even if it weren't, according to some, IMO whatever one considers valid, is). I don't know you aside from PT but it seems to me that you are more active than many people I know whose level of activity is changing the remote. Not being one of the latter I hear you and your frustration. Now getting down off of my soapbox I hope the triathlon goes fantastically. You go grrl!!!

[mrspunkysmom]

Rant away. It's allowed.

I do empathize. I could say why, but I'm not stealing your thread. I went through another round of "woe is me" recently, and I decided this morning that I needed to pull myself out of the ditch myself.

I have to admire someone who can run triathlons with your medical history. I can't see me doing that at any time.

Good luck.

[Alysser]

WOW, so I have a lot of updating to do! I probably shouldn't have made this thread till I completely *knew* for sure what it was!

Doctor called back on Monday, he's such a nice nice guy! It was CAFFEINE. Freakin' CAFFEINE. I guess I shouldn't be annoyed but I am because it was something SO stupid. Now, let it be known, I've never had a restricted diet with this condition and I swear I don't drink that much. I drink a iced coffee every morning, which isn't really high in calories. I am going to stop drinking it. I also usually have caffeine free soda but sometimes don't really look at what I'm buying. I'm trying to stay away from sodas and eat healthy! But hey, sometimes it's hard! Especially for a college student. I do not eat that bad I swear.

Thank you guys so much for the support. I was finally able to come on this morning and all your messages mean so much to me!

My issue is, I've been born into a military family. My great grandparents, grandpas, my dad, my brother, cousins, etc. are all in some branch. My dad was a Marine and My brother was in the Army. I think we had a few airforce boys and a one navy guy. But I've always looked up to that. When I was younger, my dad didn't really have the heart to tell me I wouldn't get in. Let it be known, no I probably would hate boot camp LOL. I can't run to save my life and couldn't do the running they do. So, maybe it's for the best. My dad said he's be proud of me anyway, if I became a biologist or a park ranger, so that's good. He's always said that.
Courtney, I sympathize 100% with you boyfriend! It really is frustrating and I'm sorry he has to deal with that. I am glad he stretches his boundaries a little bit. It's a very admirable trait.

Mrspunkysmom, if you ever wanna talk, especially about health issues, PM me anytime! I'm glad you promised yourself you'd get out of it and I hope you do!

Okay, so I did my Triathlon with my sister this morning. It was 3 miles running, 2 miles kayaking, 5 miles biking...It was a relay type thing so technically I only did two events! BUT I'm still proud of myself. My sister did the running 3 miles...god knows I can't do that. We both did the kayaking 2 miles, which was fun! and I biked the five miles, but I do that quite often on this trail. It was hard but I only stopped twice. By the time I got to the 4 mile marker I was so excited. I finished before a few people, so I am proud of that in itself. I didn't expect to place, I just wanted to finish. I've been told I couldn't do things like this and today I did 7 MILES of physical activity. I didn't win but I sort of feel like I did. reading the messages this morning helped with that, I'm convinced of that! I'm #119!

[mrspunkysmom]

This is Awesome that it is something that you can regulate.

You did 7 miles more than I can do, so that says a lot.

Keep it up!

[Karen]

Excellent - good job! I once was joking with a friend at church - she loves running, another friend loves to bike, and I said "I do love swimming," (although I haven't in years, I don't think it is something the body forgets) and we could split a triathalon that way ... but I didn't know it was allowed like you and your sister did it!

[Casper]

Okay, I had to giggle just a tad bit at the caffeine being the issue. Only cause it is the main thing that puts my heart "outta whack" and it didn't even cross my mind when reading your original post. So glad that seems to be the only problem. Hooray!

Congratulations on your first triathlon!