"Helicopter" parenting

[Lady's Human]

It's not your scholarship app, FAFSA, or college application, it's HIS.

I get tired of seeing science fair projects done by parents (oops, projects with parents assisting.......) when kids who did their own research and experimentation get low scores because their presentation was at grade level instead of being done on daddy's workstation.

You ARE a helicopter parent, of course you don't see any issues with it.

[Cataholic]

I absolutely DO consider myself an overly involved parent. And, my child will reap the benefits of that.

I will give my child every single advantage that I can. And, if you decide to NOT do that for your child, that is OK. But, it is an incredibly competitive world out there. In sports, school, employment, etc. To pretend otherwise is done so at your child's peril. The choices are to join the world as it currently exists, or bemoan the point, and stay stuck in the 1980s (my best guess as to when you might have graduated high school).

If EVERY (or most) kid's science projects are done at daddy's workshop, and they score high, and your kid doesn't- you have a choice there. I know what MY choice would be. Just like in sports. If I *stink* at basketball (and I do), and I want my child to play BB at a higher level, I can continue to work with him and hinder his ability to succeed, OR, I can get him with the right people and have him excel. To suggest I let him flounder, because some other person might call me a HP is simply inane. I care about one thing- MY child's success. If Johnny next door has a parent that wants the school of hard knocks to teach him? Great. Better opportunity for my child to succeed.

I force my child to brush his teeth, to get physical exercise, I pick out his clothes if I deem him dressed inappropriately. I tell him when to go to sleep, to read more, to do math facts, etc. I don't believe in just halting these things, and as life gets MORE difficult, with MORE important decisions, choices, I absolutely will be there.

[Karen]

Actually, Cataholic, this conversation brings to mind a former coworker of mine I haven't seen in many years. She was such an overly involved parent in her daughter's life that, when that daughter was a mother of three young children herself, and her house was on fire, she called her mother before she called 911 or the fire department! When I heard her mother fairly shouting, "Wendy, hang up with me and call 9-1-1!" more than once, I knew that was a bad sign!* I am sure you are raising Jonah to call 9-1-1 in an actual emergency!

*Thankfully, the fire was just in the top floor, and the children were not injured apart from some smoke inhalation, my coworker called 9-1-1 herself after she hung up with her daughter, just in case!

[mrspunkysmom]

Actually, Cataholic, this conversation brings to mind a former coworker of mine I haven't seen in many years. She was such an overly involved parent in her daughter's life that, when that daughter was a mother of three young children herself, and her house was on fire, she called her mother before she called 911 or the fire department! When I heard her mother fairly shouting, "Wendy, hang up with me and call 9-1-1!" more than once, I knew that was a bad sign!* I am sure you are raising Jonah to call 9-1-1 in an actual emergency!

*Thankfully, the fire was just in the top floor, and the children were not injured apart from some smoke inhalation, my coworker called 9-1-1 herself after she hung up with her daughter, just in case!

This is my concern. If the parents are overly involved, Helping or placing too many restrictions, you get one of two scenarios. The one above where the child remains dependent on the parent or a rebellious child. Neither is good.

I have students in my classroom that can only behave when you re super strict or even mean. They don't know how to manage their own behavior and make decisions. If they are not forced to follow some explicitly stated rules, they run amok.

No one has taught them how to manage their actions or make decision based upon the environment.

That mother was overdoing it a bit.

just my two cents.

[Pembroke_Corgi]

I think there are a lot of ways to successfully parent, and no one way is right for everybody. I know how competitive it is in schools today (I work in the education field) - BUT, I also think children need to be given the freedom to fail sometimes. I think that learning from mistakes is an important way to build true self-esteem. I think sometimes that all of the pressure on kids and parents to have an edge or be the best makes this impossible, which is a shame.

The most extreme example I saw of this was at an open house for my PhD program. Doctorate and master's students were at the college to find out more about the programs they had entered. A student who was entering a master's program had her mother with her, and her mom was interviewing the faculty while the student sat silently. She was probably only 22, but as a college graduate I would hope she had the skills to do this without her mother's help...

[sparks19]

We homeschool so no one needs to be threatened about their kids science fair projects lol.

We are all about looking it up... That's practically the homeschool motto. Don't know the answer to something? Well, why don't we do some research.

However, I will not leave Hannah (who is only turning 6 so that's a factor) to get frustrated and discouraged in her education in the name of "suck it up and do it yourself". I remember what school was like for me and I genuinely struggled with different subjects and needed someone to really sit down with me and isolate the issues I was having and help me work through them. I don't ever want to ignore a genuine need for the sake of "learning a lesson".

If that makes me a helicopter parent or if someone else disagrees with my tactics... So what. I am confident in our choices and I don't need validation from other parents. Hannah is a very well rounded child. She is very bright, sociable, and happy. Also, I want to instill self respect over "self esteem".

I don't want her to believe that she's going to be great at everything she ever tries... Because that's a lie. I want her to be able to accept the things she is not so great at without it crushing her. The "you can be great at anything" mentality is why we have weeks of American Idol audition episodes filled with nonsense and people who can't handle rejection.

But I am absolutely going to be there for her and help her

[Karen]

We homeschool so no one needs to be threatened about their kids science fair projects lol.

We are all about looking it up... That's practically the homeschool motto. Don't know the answer to something? Well, why don't we do some research.

That's good! Now, Hannah has the benefit of modern technology, and "looking it up" will not require wresting the unabridged dictionary from its hiding place, which always required two hands - and still would! Computers have made dictionaries available with no straining involved! It's a happy thing!

[Lady's Human]

We homeschool so no one needs to be threatened about their kids science fair projects lol.

The science fair project is an example, a symptom of the disease, if you will. The behavior goes across the spectrum, though. My child isn't going to fail at anything, so I'm going to help him/her with everything.....to the point that they can't do anything by themselves.

[Lady's Human]

We homeschool so no one needs to be threatened about their kids science fair projects lol.

BTW, threatened? Hardly.

[Lady's Human]

If EVERY (or most) kid's science projects are done at daddy's workshop, and they score high, and your kid doesn't- you have a choice there. I know what MY choice would be.

My choice is to go to the school board meetings and get the schools to clamp down on projects done out of a can or with parents blatantly doing most of the work.

My son's science project this year is entirely his idea, he's going to do the work, I'm contributing 1 gauge and some time to the effort.

My daughter's science project will involve communication with Osearch to answer question she has for them about their work tracking great whites.

Their grades aren't important to me, as the science fair is extra credit, and frankly, neither child needs the extra credit.

The day I do the bulk of the work for them is the day satan skis. However, you can look around the science fair and easily pick out which projects were the result of the child doing the work and which was the result of the parents.

They are both well in advance of their grade levels on science and math, and they have gotten their mainly on their own. I've assisted, and directed their studying, but I will never give them an answer. They have the tools, they can find the answers themselves.

[Karen]

They have the tools, they can find the answers themselves.

Reading this sentence (and because LH is my brother for those who don't know that) I am suddenly hearing a chorus in my head of "Look it up!"

If any one of us asked "what does xxxxx (fill in word or phrase of your choice) mean?" We'd hear "Look it up!!" from Ma, Pa, older siblings, any grandparents in attendance - there were good unabridged dictionaries on both floor of the house, and we were expected to use them!

[Bonny]

Those good old science projects.

I helped my cousins boil up a dead fox in a huge kettle in their basement on the canning stove. It stunk the house up & we were told to take the fox back outside. We ended up using lye to get the meat off the bones. I drew a picture of a fox on some poster paper & we found a dog skeleton diagram at a book store up in St. Paul. We could not afford the book & low & behold a friend that was along with us tore the picture of the dog diagram out of the book. My aunt was not happy that he had done this.

We worked together mounting the bones on a board using my uncles hand drill & wire. Then we glued the description of each bone on paper & matched them up. My cousin got a blue ribbon for his project.

I had a wild carpenter ant farm in a huge pickle jar. I remember drawing a huge carpenter ant on poster paper. I got the ants out of a hill near an old dead log not far from my house. They were tunneling in the pickle jar & we put honey & water in a small Canada Dry lid for them. There was a lid on the pickle jar ant farm & one day my little sister opened it. The ants were escaping all over the house. When we picked them up I remember their mandibles pinching our fingers. Dad said don't hurt them we can get them rounded up. Well we made it to the school gym where it was very cool. The carpenter ants went into hibernation. I remember getting a red ribbon on that project.

Those were the good old days. Where our parents left it to our own wild imaginations.

[lizbud]

Those good old science projects.

I helped my cousins boil up a dead fox in a huge kettle in their basement on the canning stove. It stunk the house up & we were told to take the fox back outside. We ended up using lye to get the meat off the bones. I drew a picture of a fox on some poster paper & we found a dog skeleton diagram at a book store up in St. Paul. We could not afford the book & low & behold a friend that was along with us tore the picture of the dog diagram out of the book. My aunt was not happy that he had done this.

We worked together mounting the bones on a board using my uncles hand drill & wire. Then we glued the description of each bone on paper & matched them up. My cousin got a blue ribbon for his project.

I had a wild carpenter ant farm in a huge pickle jar. I remember drawing a huge carpenter ant on poster paper. I got the ants out of a hill near an old dead log not far from my house. They were tunneling in the pickle jar & we put honey & water in a small Canada Dry lid for them. There was a lid on the pickle jar ant farm & one day my little sister opened it. The ants were escaping all over the house. When we picked them up I remember their mandibles pinching our fingers. Dad said don't hurt them we can get them rounded up. Well we made it to the school gym where it was very cool. The carpenter ants went into hibernation. I remember getting a red ribbon on that project.

Those were the good old days. Where our parents left it to our own wild imaginations.

I loved your childhood experience story.LOL Hilarious, and I thought my childhood was "interesting". Thanks for the chuckles.

[RICHARD]

I, as a kid, always dreamed of building a Soap Box Racer.

The closest I got was stealing a metal shopping cart, hacking it up with a hack saw and pushing it around the yard (Carefully hiding it from 5 p.m. until 3 p.m. the next day)

When I looked up the cost of a kit and the time and materials -plus those scary electrical tools - I knew I would never be able to get one made.

That said?

I laugh when I see the SBRs over the last 10 years?

It's all BS from some parent who has a giant workshop and does 95 percent of the work...

I was happy with 4 wheel stuck on rebar and held in place with nails - now the dads do the coefficent of drag tables and build a wind tunnel to test the cars before they ever get out of the garage.


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Today I was watching the news and they were talking about common mistakes on resumes......They were looking for brevity and good spelling, not the twixter short hand and abbreiations that was finding it into some applicant's sheets.

I went 2 skool 4 for years and had a degree in Comp sci.

I guess when you are in doubt, you can ask your parents to correct your spelling, if you aren't sure.

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And regarding 'Look it up?'

Some counties here in KY are voting to allow kids to use cell phones in the class rooms to help them "look up info".

hehehehehehehe...