"Helicopter" parenting

[Alysser]

When I applied for my first few jobs, my parent DID go with me, but they made me ask about it and everything. They would NEVER go into an interview with me and I would never with a child of mine. That's just really odd behavior to me. My dad has helped me make my resume and apply online for jobs, but he wouldn't help me fill out and entire application with him.

As a hiring manager, I would be turned off by how much involvement that parent had. It would make me believe the girl was immature or didn't want the job and her parents were making her apply.

[Casper]

My mom is a very "do it yourself" kind of parent. The most she would do is say "so-and-so is hiring, you should drop by there". That being said, I believe I would be the same way. When a parent tags a long with their child on a job hunt or anything of the sort I would question the applicant on if s/he is independent enough to do a job well without the constant support of a parent. Or, like Alyssa said, that the kid wasn't that interested in actually having a job.

Now, I have helped a friend fill out an application because he is very dyslexic and has problems reading, but other than that, if the person is fully capable of reading and comprehending an application, then they can do it on their own.

[smokey the elder]

The only exception may be a minor. 16 year olds may work part time in Massachusetts. Once you're of age you should be able to stand on your own two feet. Moral support before and after is absolutely OK, though.

[Cataholic]

I would certainly help my child fill out an application. For his first job, for a college application, for scholarship, etc. Why wouldn't I? I am an adult, with two college degrees, and have had people help me with my resume. No different. I will give my child every competitive advantage that I can. The way I was raised. I will check his homework, make him re-do it, go through his phone (when he gets one), check out his friends, his haunts, etc. I will inspect his FB page (when he gets one), and check his internet history (when it goes beyond Minecraft). I will make him attend prep classes for standardized tests, get him a tutor if necessary, and probably iron and wash his clothes until he leaves home.

Who knows what that child has going on inside. Maybe she suffers from anxiety. Maybe the mother just lost her job, and this is more important than it might seem? Maybe she is a ridiculously proud parent that can't help bragging about her children? Frankly, if she has older children, that have attended/graduated college and are "successful" people, she can't be doing it all wrong.

I think the much larger problem in today's society is parents that check out, not over parent.

Edited to add: if I was the hiring manager, I would be pretty psyched to see a parent along for the ride, knowing upfront most kids won't be driving themselves to the job. So, if a parent is committed, attendance goes up 75%.

[carole]

simple answer from me, never have,never will ,however i would help them with an online application if necessary, but found both my kids never needed my help, they did fine by themselves.

[Alysser]

The story of Russell made me a smile a little Never judge a book by its cover! and it's definitely things like that you remember!

[sparks19]

Maybe part of my opinion comes from my experience with the young kids we work with at preschool. It is very obvious which children have involved parents and which ones don't and it's sad. We get kids whose parents just open the door upstairs and just send them downstairs on their own and we rarely see the parent and usually those are the kids who don't know the beginning of their ABC's or counting or even how to interact.

On the flip side, we do have those parents who hang around way too long and actually end up upsetting the child more than helping them but overall the child is bright and well rounded.

I think the issue we have here is we are being very black and white ... If you help your child you are a helicopter parent who is ruining their spoiled child and if you encourage "do it yourself" then you are neglecting your kids. Neither is true most likely and there is a lot of grey area... And what works depends on the parent but more so depends on the child you have. There is no one size fits all for child rearing and you may think you have the market cornered but faced with a child with different needs or personality... You may be up a creek lol

[Karen]

I think the issue we have here is we are being very black and white ... If you help your child you are a helicopter parent who is ruining their spoiled child and if you encourage "do it yourself" then you are neglecting your kids. Neither is true most likely and there is a lot of grey area... And what works depends on the parent but more so depends on the child you have. There is no one size fits all for child rearing and you may think you have the market cornered but faced with a child with different needs or personality... You may be up a creek lol

I absolutely think there are many levels of grey area! How much help is too much has likely been debated since the dawn of parenthood!

[Lady's Human]

I think the issue we have here is we are being very black and white ... If you help your child you are a helicopter parent who is ruining their spoiled child and if you encourage "do it yourself" then you are neglecting your kids. Neither is true most likely and there is a lot of grey area... And what works depends on the parent but more so depends on the child you have. There is no one size fits all for child rearing and you may think you have the market cornered but faced with a child with different needs or personality... You may be up a creek lol

Black and white? Huh???????

Funny, I've seen many shades of gray mentioned here.

[RICHARD]

The story of Russell made me a smile a little Never judge a book by its cover! and it's definitely things like that you remember!

My mom worked as a cashier for years and she would tell some stories about how people would intimidate her while she helped them.

One time she related a story about how a bunch of 'Hell's Angels' types came into the store.

She was at the register and they got into her line.

As she told the story she said that these guys were "bigger than you and huge" - I am 6'2" and weighed about 220 at the time.....My mom was 4'11' and maybe 100 lbs on a good day?

She said she was nervous and freaking out when the first 'biker dude' put his stuff on the counter and started the transaction.......

A good story would be that they held her up, took her as hostage and she was rescued by a police SWAT team, but she became more and more animated as the story went on......

"This guy had tattoos and earrings, looked like he needed a bath, but........HE WAS THE NICEST GUY!"

"He asked me how I was, and said to me 'Yes, ma'am' and he was sooooo polite".

(I laughed because I was waiting for her to say she was going to the clubhouse to cook for them or go for a ride on their next Sunday get together......)

She was so impressed by that encounter that whenever she saw a biker on the street, she'd make it a point to tell me about the seeing them when I caught up with her.

[Bonny]

Richard, Your mom is the same height that the real Laura Ingalls Wilder was 4' 11". Those biker dudes look mean & tuff but they are good souls. You just don't want to touch their bikes.

A couple years back I was alone working at the museum. It was a cold blustery day & I saw these two guys on foot dressed in suits with trench coats on. I am thinking thugs, muggers, their going to rob the place & hit me over the head with their hidden under their coats revolvers. I thought to myself lock the doors so they can't get into the visitors center NOW!

It was to late they came through the front door. I greeted them like I do everyone else, knees shaking, had them sign the guest book. They asked if they could us the restrooms, sure go ahead. I am thinking yup use the restroom then rob the place.

They both appeared once again in front of the counter. I mentioned the lousy weather & asked them where they were from, Utah. They were two Mormon boys spreading the good news & they offered me one of their Mormon Bibles. I had to turn them down though, because I already had one given to my family & I when we visited a church in Utah.

So judging a book by its cover came true for me once again. Oh, us humans are so human

[RICHARD]

I went out to do the lawn and was thinking about this thread and how pompous I am.

I have no children, so, I need to apologize to all the parents out there.

Um,
I am sorry I laughed at you and your child when you came over and your little one would not leave your arms and cried when you tried to put them down so we could have a conversation.

I am sorry that I wouldn't talk 'adult' when you refused to tell the kids to leave the room.

I am sorry that I made your children cry harder when I refused to give them a treat to get them to be quiet.

I am sorry that I scolded your children when they misbehaved and you could care less.

I am sorry that your child said to you, "Let's ask uncle Richard, he knows the answer..."

I am sorry that you had to leave your kids with me when they refused to go on vacation with you - and they told you that they would have more fun hanging with me.

I am sorry when I started to do something with them and they told me, "My parents won't let me do --------" and heartbroken when they told me, "Please don't tell them we ----------."

I am sorry your kidlets came to me and asked me for advice because 'mom and dad don't listen, understand, get mad."

I am sorry that I put a helmet on your kid and took them around the block on the motorcycle, Mom and Dad suck when it comes to speed.

I am sorry that you had to work that screwed up shift and I took the kids during that time.

I am sorry you had to say, "Behave or I will tell uncle Richard". That must hurt to know I have more sway over your kids and I can talk to them and instill more fear that you could?

I am sorry your kid wanted a drink of my beer, I gave them one and laughed at the face they made.

I am sorry about the time we went camping and the kids didn't want to hang with you, instead they wanted to play cards and learn how to gamble from me.

I am sorry I showed them how to use a knife when we were in the kitchen and hope you never find out that I let them use a power drill, screwdriver or hammer when they were 6.

There is a bunch of other stuff that you should know, but I am bound by my word and the trust YOUR children put into me, I apologize for that, too.

Anyway, those are the things that I am sorry for and I hope that by virtue of you having children, that your wisdom, knowledge and respect will far outweigh any that I may leech from your offspring.

Much love,
Uncle Richard.