Oh Lordy.....

[zippy-kat]

For what it's worth, I would love to see you adopt Puppy but if you're not ready, you're not ready. And there's no need to feel guilty over either decision.

FOR ME, I adopted Gus and Lizzie way too soon after K'Cee passed. (She passed on a Monday, I adopted Gus and Lizzie that Saturday, and had surgery two days after the adoption.) I don't regret my choice of furbabies but I did feel guilty about adopting so soon, I kind of felt that I cheated my heart cat out of a "proper" mourning, that I did her a disservice, etc. All of that of course is ridiculous but as you said, the head and heart are sometimes at odds.

On the other hand, I was facing surgery and a long time off my feet and on my butt and couldn't imagine anything worse than being alone in my home during that time. (Yes, I had FiFi bunny but I have a hard time catching her when I'm "normal" so I could forget even attempting to let her out during this time.) So, it was adopt them while I could drive or wait three months and chance that they might not be there. Selfishness won out; I went and adopted both and cried the two hour drive home, asking K'Cee to forgive me.

When I got them home, first order of business was a bath and pedicure. Afterwards, I shut them in the bathroom with fresh blankets, litterbox, food, etc. Then I sat down and bawled. What had I done?

I checked on them frequently, earning hisses and growls anytime I entered. What had I done? Later that night, I was able to snag Gus and I took him into the living room; I held him and just cried and cried and cried. I told him about K'Cee and how she would be so mad at me and what a great cat she was and how I felt like my heart had been split open. He didn't move but he didn't growl. We both fell asleep and I woke up with a stiff neck (not to mention puffy eyes) 5 hours later, Gus still draped across my chest.

Five months later, I still can't think or mention K'Cee without tearing up. But what I CAN do is answer the "What have I done?" question. I have rescued two kittens from a humane society and, more specifically, a foster that had 25 other cats and could only tell me that Gus (then a different name) had very long whiskers. I have provided medical treatment for their colds, flea-disease (I can't remember what it was called), got rid of their worms, and put them on a good food. I have slowly opened up parts of my home and heart to two kittens who have very different personalities; Lizzie the clown isn't much for cuddling, while Gus, who was only known for his whiskers, is a snuggle bug and will wake me up to be held. (It hurts my heart to think that this cat who so clearly craves attention, didn't receive ANY in his foster home. The foster's quote to me was, "Well, I have about 27 cats. It's hard to know each one's personality." The foster cried as I left so I know he cared for them, I think his heart was just bigger than his schedule/wallet.) Even now, there are places in my home (and truth be told, my heart) that are off limits to the new kitties, they are "K'Cee spots" and I'm just not ready.

I honestly couldn't ask for better kittens, though. They are THE BEST about using a scratching post/pad. The only times they've had accidents were when the antibiotics (and change in food) gave them tummy aches. They don't get on the counters (anymore... or at least that I know of.... though Lizzie was bound and determined to hide behind the Keurig when I first let them out of the bathroom). They don't try to run outside. They get along with the bunny although, being kittens, I don't let them play together. Their only "vice" is any sort of paper; they will SHRED it (or better yet, put it in bed with me THEN commence to shredding it). Oh and Gus has a fetish for the kindle and ipad... he knows how to turn the pages (digs at it like he's in the litterbox lol) -- hard to read with him around.

So, would I adopt again so soon? I can't say "no" but "probably not." My heart still DEEPLY aches for K'Cee. But then I see these two kitties running around playing or hold Gus and listen to his monster-sized purr, I know I made the right choice for THEM .... and me, too, even if I'm not ready to admit it yet.

Fret not, it'll work out like it's suppose to.

[momoffuzzyfaces]

There is one remarkable thing I have learned over my MANY years. The heart has an amazing ability to expand and make room for more love without taking away any love that is already there. Every animal I have ever loved; and there are tons of them, are still in their own special place in my heart. No other animal will ever take their place it is theirs for ever!!!

No matter how long you have a fur friend, there will never be enough hugs given. You will always want to give them at least one more. I still tear up at times wanting to give Leonard and Luke and all of them "one more hug". Every day that passes brings us closer to the time we will be able to hug them again. Only difference is there will never ever have to be 'one last hug' again.

[Taz_Zoee]

Ok, now I am here crying at work from these heartfelt stories.

I believe you should listen to your heart. It speaks louder than our heads, usually. You will do the right thing, at the right time, for you.

I think it would be wonderful if you could give the 17 year old grey kitty a loving home for the remainder of her time here.

Again, you will do what's right, don't you worry about that.

[katladyd]

Mac is about 15 and is on meds for his thyroid condition, so I know my time with will not be the longest (if I have another 2 years with him I will consider myself blessed). Stil, l when he passes I will have this great big ol' hole in my heart. I can't say for sure what I will do when that time comes, but I do know that Mac would want me to give a good home to another needy kitty, just like I did with him. I see it as making good use of the love still left in my heart. I can irefuse to open my heart or I can help another little fur soul find a loving home. Only time will tell what I will do, but I hope it's the latter.

[Pinot's Mom]

Now that I'm on the verge of tears....

You will know; absolutely. We waited 6 years after we lost our beloved 18 year old Jamara. It just wasn't right until we found a sick little kitty that needed us. We knew but it did take a while.

[slick]

OK, I've just spent the last few minutes reading all of your stories and right now I have major LES.
I was very blessed to witness the bond between Tonya and K'Cee and I'm sending her big hugs right now. I, too, feel this sense of guilt every time I'm on petfinder (which is daily now) or other websites belonging to local shelters.

Max was really my heart kitty and after he passed in 2010 I waited 5 months before bringing Merlin home and even then I was crying and missing my Max, but that didn't make me love Merlin any less. He came, he purred and he walked away with a piece of my heart just as Speckles and Max had done before him.

momoffuzzyfaces

There is one remarkable thing I have learned over my MANY years. The heart has an amazing ability to expand and make room for more love without taking away any love that is already there.

MOFF; This touched me greatly because I believe that God has helped each and every one of us to openly accept a new fur baby into our lives.

Because the only thing worse than losing a baby, is never loving another one.

You are so right. I could not have said it better.

Heart speaking: At the moment, all I want to do is adopt a senior. I keep thinking about that grey girl I saw in the cage. She was not pawing at me, nor was she meowing to get my attention. She just sat there in all of her glory and stared at me; her eyes piercing my soul as if to plead for a loving home somewhere.

Head speaking: Not now, not yet. **sigh**

The trouble is that our shelters are overrun with beautiful, loving seniors who want nothing more than a full belly and a warm place to sleep. How does one choose? Oh yes, the pet chooses the human, I forgot that. I know that when the time is right the oppurrtunaty will be right in front of my eyes. I just don't know if I can wait that long.

For now, I thank all of you for sharing and for making me feel a little less lonely tonight.