Dad came to visit

[chocolatepuppy]

Good to see your dad Sandie. He sure looks happy seeing the fluffs and kittys!

[Taz_Zoee]

Awww, I got tears in my eyes looking at the photos. Both happy tears and sad ones. I have also been wondering how he was doing. Apparently I missed the thread that he was staying at the nursing home back in October.

I do hope he will be able to come home soon. Obviously "his kids" miss him!

[Freedom]

Hmmm, I guess I didn't post what was happening here on PT; it was all during the holidays, quite overwhelming. I know I wasn't on here nearly as much as normal. I did spent a lot of time on the Caregivers Forum run by the Alzheimer's Assn. That is extremely helpful. It is for all types of dementia not just Alzheimers; Dad has cerebral vascular dementia, not Alzheimers.

Dad hasn't been home since Oct 22d. First 2 weeks in hospital, next 3 weeks in Rehab at place we had not used before and it was horrible! Back to hospital for 3 weeks, again to Rehab on Dec 8th and that time I made sure he went to the place we used often and liked. On Dec 17th, Dad and I met with his endocrinologist (diabetes doctor) who was surprised I thought Dad would be returning home. He said quite plainly that was not going to happen, Dad needed too much care. I spent 24 hours crying, and then the next 2 weeks I set about proving him wrong.

This doc had never met either of us before, no way he knew anything. Well, guess what? Everyone I talked to agreed this was beyond the ability of one person. It took ages to talk with people as this was the holidays lots of them were off, out of the office, etc. The VA, the staff at the Rehab, the nurse at the senior center, once they reviewed Dad's most recent hospital record, nope, can't do it, he needs a nurse 24 / 7. Made for an extremely difficult holiday season! I did put up our tree - first time doing that alone, cried like crazy. Dad never did see it.

Once I came around to the fact that Dad had to be placed, needed to get with his atty to figure out how to pay for all of it -- and like the others, she too was out for the holidays. Finally got things organized and as of Jan 14th he was in long term care. No, he will not be returning home except for visits.

I must say, his Case Manager from his health insurance was very understanding and kept extending his medical benefits while I came to terms with the situation, and then got things sorted out for his placement.

Dad has many many health issues - his entire endocrine system is under attack, an autoimmune thing. The first signs of this appeared when Dad was age 14. Several of his illnesses are progressive: diabetes, and dementia being the primary 2. What happened was, his diabetes advanced in one big jump, and with his dementia, it became a constant life threatening situation. For 5 weeks, his blood glucose levels would soar into the 800s and then plummet to the 30s, cycling like that twice every 24 hours! It was awful. Seizures, convulsions, and with his dementia, he was not able to give any indication by saying: " I don't feel good," "I'm getting hot" (low blood glucose) or cold (high blood glucose), so he needed eyes on him around the clock to monitor what was happening. He lost 14 pounds in those 5 weeks and at several points we thought this was the end. I was not even allowed to take him out for ages as he was so unstable, so I had Christmas Eve and Dad dinner there with him.

The diabetes stabilized, they completely changed ALL of his medications in the process. He still needs quite a bit of monitoring. So no, he will not be coming back here to live. He has gained a total of 25 pounds since Jan 1!!! The place is large, 168 beds, with a strong Activities Dept. They offer activities 3 times daily, morning, afternoon and evening. The morning and afternoon, there are 2 or 3 things happening, folks attend based on their abilities both physical and mental. Dad eats in the dining room for lunch and supper; everyone has breakfast in their room. A person with dementia needs 5 hours of socialization per day. Here at home, he was getting about 8 hours per week. Now he gets the entire 5 hours easily. They have him in the PT room, he is up to 15 minutes on the exercise bike daily; that bike has never been used so much! He had been doing 20 minutes on the bike at the Y up till Oct 19th, so he is almost back to where he was. He is strong physically, again. But the dementia . . . he has about a 4 second retention so it is difficult to have a conversation with him. I mean, I can't go in at 1 PM and say, "So how was lunch?" He has no idea if he had lunch or if lunch is still to come and forget asking what he had.

I go in almost daily, and sometimes twice a day (if I am doing his laundry, for example). I go at different times and sometimes just watch and observe what he does with him knowing I am there. I can see how the staff interact with him, and how he is coping. It was heart breaking the first 3 weeks, he kept saying Take me home! Get me out of here, I want to go home. Now, he seems quite settled in there.


Its been a hard adjustment for me, as well, but I am getting through it.

[dab_20]

So good that your dad got to visit home, and although he may not have remembered I hope he had a good time seeing the place. I bet the fluffs give his spirits a lift Pets can do amazing things for all people- especially those with dementia!

I'm so very sorry to hear of the problems your father has been having. I work in an assisted living dementia "neighborhood" and know how devastating the disease can be for families. Particularly hard to manage diabetes with those with dementia because they cannot verbalize how they are feeling- mostly relying on behavioral cues which isn't easy. I'm so glad to hear he is doing so well in his new care center- socialization and activity does A LOT for those with dementia in keeping them happy and actually slowing the progression with the disease. You sound like you are doing everything you can to do right by your father- kudos to you!

[pomtzu]

That's so sad. It must have been heartbreaking for you when he kept asking to go home, and probably not knowing why he couldn't ----- and now he no longer even knows his home.

I've been fortunate to never have had to deal with dementia or Alzheimers in any of my family. I know the basics, but in a nutshell, what is the difference between the two ~~~ if you feel like answering.

Bless you Sandie, for all you have done for your Dad for all of these years, and all that you continue to do. It takes a strong person, for sure, and not something that all can do.

[Taz_Zoee]

Oh my........more tears shed here. I did not realize you were going through so much. I am so sorry Sandie. I am glad to hear things are settling and he is in a good place.
The owner of the company I work for, his mother had Alzheimers. He said it was so difficult to watch her go through it. So my heart aches for you.

I do love the huge smile he has on his face in the photos!

[Freedom]

Oh my........more tears shed here. I did not realize you were going through so much. I am so sorry Sandie. I am glad to hear things are settling and he is in a good place.
The owner of the company I work for, his mother had Alzheimer's. He said it was so difficult to watch her go through it. So my heart aches for you.

I do love the huge smile he has on his face in the photos!

Thank you Cindi. Yeah, I just sort of shut down for about 6 weeks, didn't really tell anyone what was happening except my cousin and a few close friends here locally == who insisted on dragging me out for meals as I about stopped eating, too.

Dab20, thanks for the encouragement, it is quite a journey, traveling the dementia road with a Loved One.

Ellie, there are more than 20 types of dementia: Alzheimer's, early onset Alzheimer's (seen in people as young as age 42!), cerebral vascular, Lewy bodies, frontal lobe, Dementia associated with Parkinson's disease, the list is long. The first 2 are now thought to be a third type of diabetes! Many dementia patients crave carbs, as diabetics do. The causes are different with each sort, the treatment varies somewhat though not as much as we who have to cope with it would like. Medical science still doesn't know much about it all, so many of the meds are the same, a 'one size fits all' solution at this point in time. The meds slow the progression of the disease, but there is no cure for any of them.

The biggest thing with Alzheimer's is that the person wanders, you likely have seen reports in the paper locally of someone who wandered off and there is a search on. That symptom seems to be typical to Alzheimer's with very little if any occurrence in the other forms of dementia.

Alzheimer's and frontal lobe people frequently become violent during Stage 4 of dementia; again you just don't see that in the other forms.

The stages are similar for all forms. There are 7 stages in all, my Dad is late Stage 5 / early Stage 6.

Another frustrating thing for us dealing with that the dementias seem to take on specific traits in certain people, but again medical science doesn't know when, who or why. Some people develop Alzheimer's and it progresses rapidly, with death in 2 to 3 years. Other people experience a very slow progression, lasting 20 years or more.