Wedding Dilemma- What Would You Do?

[Karen]

I wonder if she is an undiagnosed Asperger's patient, if she is like that with most people, and in any group. Or she may have social anxiety that makes her shut everyone out ... But she could just be rude! No way of knowing without clinical help, which you are not obliged to obtain!

[wolf_Q]

I just had friends as bridesmaids...I have a sister and two sister-in-laws...I suppose I should have asked them first. But to be honest I am closer with my friends, maybe that makes me a jerk but that's what I chose. Certainly everyone was invited, I didn't really say anything about it to anyone, I just asked my friends to be my bridesmaids. When I made this decision I honestly wasn't even thinking about it I just went straight to my friends I realized later that family was probably offended. Maybe my sister and sister-in-laws all secretly hate me, I don't know - I hate being a bridesmaid so I'd be happier if not asked lol. They all have kids too which would have made it hard for them. I didn't have a maid of honor, Corby did not have a best man or groomsmen. He didn't want them and that's his choice. It was our wedding we did it as we wanted, that's pretty much it. I could never not have family AT the wedding, so if I were you I'd definitely invite her. You could always just not have bridesmaids. I have a brother-in-law who does not like me very much and he likes to go out of his way to say hurtful things to me at times. It can be a struggle....but I love my husband and I love his family it is worth it, but I understand the frustration you are going through. Also I personally am very quiet, socially awkward, I'm not good at talking to people in general and especially in groups. I have had a lot of people think I was rude/snobby/etc. when that is not at all how I'm trying to be. I am not saying this is the case with her but there is a possibility that some of it is she just doesn't know how to interact with you. Outside of immediate family, close friends, and co-workers, I'm terrible at talking to anyone even family members like cousins/aunts/uncles or other people I have known for years. Well I seem to be able to talk to customers just fine I'm better at talking to complete strangers than people I know ha ha it doesn't make much sense.

[caseysmom]

I wonder if she is an undiagnosed Asperger's patient, if she is like that with most people, and in any group. Or she may have social anxiety that makes her shut everyone out ... But she could just be rude! No way of knowing without clinical help, which you are not obliged to obtain!

Interesting I was wondering the same thing.

[Catty1]

If she is like that with everyone then it is NOTHING you did. You didn't cause it, you can't fix it. Go on with Josh and live your life.

As Karen suggested, she may be displaying symptoms, not nastiness.

http://www.wisegeek.com/what-are-the...-in-adults.htm

Impaired social reactions are a key component of Asperger's syndrome. People who suffer from this condition find it difficult to develop meaningful relationships with their peers. They struggle to understand the subtleties of communicating through eye contact, body language, or facial expressions and seldom show affection towards others. They are often accused of being disrespectful and rude, since they find they can’t comprehend expectations of appropriate social behavior and are often unable to determine the feelings of those around them. People suffering from Asperger's syndrome can be said to lack both social and emotional reciprocity. Although Asperger's syndrome is related to autism, people who suffer from this condition do not have other developmental delays. They have normal to above average intelligence and fail to meet the diagnostic criteria for any other pervasive developmental disorder. In fact, people with Asperger's syndrome often show intense focus, highly logical thinking, and exceptional abilities in math or science.
There is no cure for Asperger's syndrome, but cognitive behavioral therapy, specialized speech therapy and counseling can help alleviate many of the condition’s more troubling symptoms. If they learn to develop the appropriate coping mechanisms, people with Asperger's syndrome are quite capable of getting married, having children, becoming gainfully employed, and leading independent lives.

[Cataholic]

She is 26 years old. Wouldn't someone- other than the poster- have noticed this before? Wouldn't Josh have said- at some point- "listen, she has been like this forever, there is nothing you did or didn't do....".

Me thinks we spend WAY too much time excusing people's behaviors and not nearly enough time addressing them. Not everyone has a medical or psychological condition. Some people are just jerks.

[Karen]

She is 26 years old. Wouldn't someone- other than the poster- have noticed this before? Wouldn't Josh have said- at some point- "listen, she has been like this forever, there is nothing you did or didn't do....".

Me thinks we spend WAY too much time excusing people's behaviors and not nearly enough time addressing them. Not everyone has a medical or psychological condition. Some people are just jerks.

I never said she should be excused for this behavior! I was just asking a question.

I just know some Asperger's people who have been diagnosed rather later in life, one in his forties, that explained why he had such difficulty with people - getting nasty and snapping was his coping mechanism - and it worked well at keeping people away!

[caseysmom]

My neice didn't get diagnosed until she was 24 after both her parents died and I realized her behavior wasn't just rudeness it had to be more. Sometimes folks don't see the forest for the trees when they are too close. I still have a hard time with her and don't excuse her behavior.

[Catty1]

No, her behaviour cannot be excused. However, if she is made aware of this and still refuses to get it checked, then there are definitely no excuses!

If she could read a list of the symptoms on her own, then a light might go off.

[sparks19]

My neice didn't get diagnosed until she was 24 after both her parents died and I realized her behavior wasn't just rudeness it had to be more. Sometimes folks don't see the forest for the trees when they are too close. I still have a hard time with her and don't excuse her behavior.

This

A friends husband was just diagnosed with aspergers and he is in his late 30's. No, not everything is a mental illness or a diagnosis... but sometimes it is.