It is hard to read your posts, Ellie, and feel how badly you are hurting. We all hurt with you, for you, and only feel some sense of relief in knowing Sparky is no longer suffering at all. It is you and Myndi that are left behind, and that suffer so much.

I know the first weeks are so horrible to deal with. So many firsts, so many fresh thoughts, so many painful memories. Take some comfort in knowing you had so many wonderful memories of that boy, he lived such a glorious life, and that because of YOU he lived much longer, and because of HIM, you are a better person.

Take walks, leave things how they are, change things up, do whatever makes you feel better now, as Sparky feels just fine now. He is watching over you and Myndi, and wouldn't want the guilt of knowing you suffer too long.