Need help! Anyone Want to Play Therapist?

[sasvermont]

I would say your brother has the problem, not you, but you seem like a loving sister and don't want ill feelings in the family. Your brother needs to take responsibility for the "introduction party" at another time. I think a heart to heart with your Mom should go first, then your brother. My guess is that your Mom will want the extended family to attend. Now, if your brother is still upset and says he will not attend, then, oh well.

I rather like your idea about having an earlier intro party before the 80th party, but I think your BROTHER should host it, not you! My gosh, he sounds like a spoiled guy to me. You have enough on your plate with the 80th party.

Isn't family great sometimes?

Good luck and let us know how this turned out!

Sas

[pomtzu]

Maybe I missed something, but I didn't see where your brother said anything about it being an intro party for his daughter - he simply said that he was bringing her. So what's the problem if you have known about his daughter for a year now? Just because you haven't previously met her shouldn't be any reason for you or anyone else who is attending, to feel obligated to make a fuss over her. It will only be an issue if you make it an issue.

[sasvermont]

Maybe I missed something, but I didn't see where your brother said anything about it being an intro party for his daughter - he simply said that he was bringing her. So what's the problem if you have known about his daughter for a year now? Just because you haven't previously met her shouldn't be any reason for you or anyone else who is attending, to feel obligated to make a fuss over her. It will only be an issue if you make it an issue.

It seems to me that meeting "your brother's long lost daughter" for the first time, IS a big deal and it WOULD take over the theme of the 80th birthday party. Can you imagine how exciting that would be? I think her brother should have had a party for his daughter, long before now, but he hasn't.

I hope progress has been made and everyone will get on the same page to celebrate an 80th Birthday.

[elizabethann]

Thank you for the suggestions and your thoughts on the subject. Just found out today that my brother called my Mom, crying, and told her about the SURPRISE (I failed to mention that) party. Now she's upset because she said she doesn't want a 90th birthday party. So I'm not sure what's going to happen now because I am MAD that he told her. I was going to call him this weekend but now I am not. And we will most likely cancel the party because Mom does not want it. And we will all do our own thing with her separately. There are many many many times I wish I was an only child or I wish I lived very very very far away from my family. I am the youngest if seven kids and we are the epitome of a disfunctional family. Ugh. Thanks again everyone.

[Karen]

Aww, it's too bad your brother ruined the surprise, and your mom doesn't want a party. Maybe you, your sister and niece can go over that day and take her to a nice calm lunch instead, and your brother can do something separately with her, and introduce her to her granddaughter one on one. And that way she gets a spread-out celebration, too! Maybe buy an oversize card, and everyone who visits individually can sign their names to it, so she'll have one big moment?

It's funny, I knew if we had asked, my Dad might have said "no" to his 80th birthday party, so we went ahead and planned it and gave him a heads up that he needed to be home that afternoon ... and I am sure he enjoyed the whole deal despite himself! We also warned him that this is just what happens when one has a zero-year birthday, so be warned!