Quote Originally Posted by smokey the elder View Post
Recent comics I like: Jeff Foxworthy, Steven Wright (he is SO deadpan!), Robin Williams, Paula Poundstone, Jeff (fa-fa) Dunham (If you've seen any of the Peanut gags you'll understand!)
I LOVE Steven Wright!

A lot of people are afraid of heights. Not me, I'm afraid of widths.
Steven Wright

I intend to live forever. So far, so good.
Steven Wright

Everywhere is within walking distance if you have the time.
Steven Wright

Babies don't need a vacation, but I still see them at the beach... it pisses me off! I'll go over to a little baby and say 'What are you doing here? You haven't worked a day in your life!'
Steven Wright

Cross country skiing is great if you live in a small country.
Steven Wright

I busted a mirror and got seven years bad luck, but my lawyer thinks he can get me five.
Steven Wright

I bought some batteries, but they weren't included.
Steven Wright

For my birthday I got a humidifier and a de-humidifier... I put them in the same room and let them fight it out.
Steven Wright

I went to a restaurant that serves "breakfast at any time". So I ordered French Toast during the Renaissance.
Steven Wright