What should be a happy announcement...

[emily_the_spoiled]

I am so sorry to read this. Right now there is nothing you can do but stick to your guns. My sister married an abusive man in her first marriage. I talked and talked to her about this (and so did everyone else I know). Of course, we were all "wrong" and she married him. He used to hit her and what finally helped her "see the light" was that he threatened to hit my niece. It was the hardest thing I ever did, but she finally took responsibility and divorced him. THEN she finally went for counselling ... and the second marriage is sooooo much better.

This is going to be very very difficult for you but it is the best thing you can do for yourselves, Cameron, and the new baby...

[catnapper]

I think some of the reality of the situation is hitting her. She's finally heard us about the "no babysitting" thing and realized we're serious. Just the monthly babysitting costs alone will eat up her paycheck. She realizes she needs to go back to school and get the nursing degree we all told her to do while Cam was a baby.... at that time, we told her we'd babysit all the time for free, buy his clothes, his diapers, anything he needed so long as she stay in school full time. Instead, she wasted the opportunity by partying. She now admits that she was too immature to realize the gift we gave her and wishes she would have taken advantage of it. Just maybe this baby is a blessing in more than just being (because a baby is ALWAYS a blessing.... just in this case the circumstances stink) Maybe she'll grow up, get her degree, and start dating NICE guys who will support her and treat her right.

As jerky as the father is, his father and step mom are being awesome. They are very excited for the baby and are helping her a lot. The father? He's already shouting about custody and not giving her money. She's already got a PFO against him - as do other women - and once the judge sees that he's a habitual abuser, he won't see the baby without court approved "babysitters" for him.

The biggest thing she needs the most is therapy. I can't say it enough. I have been saying it since she was 12 years old. My husband was in complete denial then, but now he wishes he heard me. He wishes we could have helped her 11 years ago.

Anyway, she's realized we're serious about not babysitting an infant. While looking into the cost, she realized she can't afford this child just based on the cost of child care alone. She makes too much for WIC and any reduced babysitting services. What to do???? Ahhhh... she's going back to school fulltime and working on the weekends. She'll make enough money during the weekends to pay for her rent and put gas in the car, and food on the table. But no extras like new clothes, fake nails, fake tans... and best of all: no partying! She will then be elligable for WIC and free babycare at the local school. She will be EXCHAUSTED. And truthfull, I think she needs to learn what true exhaustion is like. Exhaustion from taking care of your kids and working hard. Instead of the kind of exhaustion she's experienced til now, which is the exhaustion from too much shopping, too much partying.

I only pray it is something she follows through on and doesn't give up because its too hard. She has had life so easy and yet she's whined how bad she's had it. She's about to learn REAL fast.

[emily_the_spoiled]

I hope for your sake and the sake of the new baby that she follows through on things.

I don't know if this will help, but if the 4 years of nursing don't work out, she might want to look at other medical support fields like being an ultrasound technician or a radiology tech. Those programs are usually only one to two years...