What should be a happy announcement...

[catnapper]

Cameron is going to be a big brother. Mommy doesn't understand why nobody is happy. The entire situation is awful. Awful. Awful. Awful

Daddy is a weight lifter with a penchant for shoooting steroids... and hitting girfriends. He sent her to the hospital twice that we know of. He also doesn't pay his bills (I guess good times at the bar and lifting weights is more important). They are broken up now, but based on their relationship in the past 6 months, they'll be back together and broken up a dozen more times before the baby arrives in this big beautiful world.

My heart is screaming out in anger and pain. This is not a fair situation for a defeneless baby to come into. Mommy has needed therapy for years for depression issues..... now she also has domestic abuse victim things to talk about. Yet she STILL says she doesn't need therapy.

She also hates us at the moment. Apparently we're the not only ones telling her to open her eyes to the reality of all this, but we're the most vocal. We are the ones who won't take her usual BS for an answer while her friends quietly ask if its smart and then drop it. She is really mad at us for not backing down. We've never stood our ground this strong before.

And she is convinced he'll pay half of everything (even though his car is about to be repo-ed due to non-payment). She also has it in her head how cheap it'll all be: everything including child care will come to $500 a month. Never mind my quick local inquiry to child care STARTS at $150 a week for being in some random person's house, and $200 for a fascility. She has NO appreciation of just how much we help her now. I buy all of Cameron's clothes. He's here 40-60 hours a week and she doesn't pay us a penny for babysitting. God, we spend a small fortune on food for the kid since he eats most meals with us. She freaks out on us when we ask her to give us snacks (basically, just buy him $10 worth of granola bars and call it a day) She is ALWAYS broke.


And yet she thinks this baby thing will all work out. She gave away ALL the baby equipment. She has nothing. No crib, no bouncie-thingie, no highchair, no playpen. Nothing. Just the car seat Cam uses. She makes too much money to qualify for any assistance this time. She is in for a very rude awakening. We're not enabling her anymore. Time to wake up, time to grow up, and time to live with your life choices.

Apparently, she was whining to a family member that she missed out on all the "fun" her friends had. Well, sweetheart, you were 18 with a baby. Life stinks sometimes, but you got an awesome kid from being an 18 year old mom. You know that funny, sweet, smart little boy you created? You lose out on fun and get to live through his laughter.... but you need to recognise that first! You are completely clueless with how awesome your first child is!

We also told her in no uncertain way that we will NOT be babysitting for 60 hours a week like we did/do for Cameron. She thinks we're making that up and will relent once the baby is her. Ummmmmm, no. Its not an option for us. Hubby has too many doctor appointments, too many issues with his PTSD. To be honest, Cameron is more than he can handle; and basically, you give him a Nintendo DS and he's invisible for hours... he's self-helping too: He gets his own food and drink. Puts his clothes on, and uses the bathroom all by himself. We love and adore Cameron. We would do anything for him. We know we will love this child too. Its just the whole situation is too sad for words.

[Freedom]

I am so sorry to read this thread. Are you able to get counseling to help you through all this, as well? Wait, you don't have to answer that. None of my business.

[sasvermont]

What a mess. What was she thinking? Oh, she wasn't thinking!

Stick to your guns. Maybe she will put the child up for adoption so it will have a stable home. Maybe she will grow up with this one, if you stick to your guns about not child sitting etc. like you do for sweet Cameron.

The poor child.

The Mom needs counselling big time. BIG TIME.

I am often glad I did not have children. I have enough problems in life and don't need to borrow any from "my children".

Try not to worry about the baby until it's arrival. If she is a bad enough Mom, maybe the child will taken from her.

This sounds like a no win situation.

Keep us posted.

Hugs to you and hubby. You are terrific G-parents to Cameron.

[Karen]

Is there any adult she has any respect for that might be able to talk to her? Any former teacher, or pastor or anyone other than you guys that could sit down and do reality check with her? And social worker? Stick to your guns, do not give in. Do you have any legal custody rights for Cameron? That might be something worth looking into, as she seems to be spiraling downward in a classic pattern, and things will not get any easier as the pregnancy progresses. I would worry about the time he is with her, particularly if the abusive boyfriend comes back into the picture.

[moosmom]

It's only 7:23 a.m. here. I'll call you later. It IS a mess and you are spot on with everything you said in your post.

Is there a WIC program in your town?? At least the baby will have milk, cheese, cereal. NOW she's whining about how she missed out on her teen years??? Someone bitch slap this girl, will ya??

Like I told you before, I think she's jealous because Heather is married and expecting a baby and is getting all the attention. At least Heather did it the right way.

You, Grant and Cameron will be in my thoughts and prayers, gf. I am only a phone call away. Don't forget that.

xoxoxoxoxo

[cassiesmom]

Big, big prayers for Catnapper and family. Bless you for all you are doing for your family. I'll keep praying - wish there was more I could do.

Moosmom mentioned the WIC program. I am wondering, since Cameron is with you a good part of the week, if you would qualify for a program to get some of those foods. My grandmother was in a program through the local council on aging, and she got dairy products-- mostly American cheese and butter. They were not free because of her income level but they were incredibly cheap, much cheaper than the supermarket.

[emily_the_spoiled]

I am so sorry to read this. Right now there is nothing you can do but stick to your guns. My sister married an abusive man in her first marriage. I talked and talked to her about this (and so did everyone else I know). Of course, we were all "wrong" and she married him. He used to hit her and what finally helped her "see the light" was that he threatened to hit my niece. It was the hardest thing I ever did, but she finally took responsibility and divorced him. THEN she finally went for counselling ... and the second marriage is sooooo much better.

This is going to be very very difficult for you but it is the best thing you can do for yourselves, Cameron, and the new baby...

[catnapper]

I think some of the reality of the situation is hitting her. She's finally heard us about the "no babysitting" thing and realized we're serious. Just the monthly babysitting costs alone will eat up her paycheck. She realizes she needs to go back to school and get the nursing degree we all told her to do while Cam was a baby.... at that time, we told her we'd babysit all the time for free, buy his clothes, his diapers, anything he needed so long as she stay in school full time. Instead, she wasted the opportunity by partying. She now admits that she was too immature to realize the gift we gave her and wishes she would have taken advantage of it. Just maybe this baby is a blessing in more than just being (because a baby is ALWAYS a blessing.... just in this case the circumstances stink) Maybe she'll grow up, get her degree, and start dating NICE guys who will support her and treat her right.

As jerky as the father is, his father and step mom are being awesome. They are very excited for the baby and are helping her a lot. The father? He's already shouting about custody and not giving her money. She's already got a PFO against him - as do other women - and once the judge sees that he's a habitual abuser, he won't see the baby without court approved "babysitters" for him.

The biggest thing she needs the most is therapy. I can't say it enough. I have been saying it since she was 12 years old. My husband was in complete denial then, but now he wishes he heard me. He wishes we could have helped her 11 years ago.

Anyway, she's realized we're serious about not babysitting an infant. While looking into the cost, she realized she can't afford this child just based on the cost of child care alone. She makes too much for WIC and any reduced babysitting services. What to do???? Ahhhh... she's going back to school fulltime and working on the weekends. She'll make enough money during the weekends to pay for her rent and put gas in the car, and food on the table. But no extras like new clothes, fake nails, fake tans... and best of all: no partying! She will then be elligable for WIC and free babycare at the local school. She will be EXCHAUSTED. And truthfull, I think she needs to learn what true exhaustion is like. Exhaustion from taking care of your kids and working hard. Instead of the kind of exhaustion she's experienced til now, which is the exhaustion from too much shopping, too much partying.

I only pray it is something she follows through on and doesn't give up because its too hard. She has had life so easy and yet she's whined how bad she's had it. She's about to learn REAL fast.

[emily_the_spoiled]

I hope for your sake and the sake of the new baby that she follows through on things.

I don't know if this will help, but if the 4 years of nursing don't work out, she might want to look at other medical support fields like being an ultrasound technician or a radiology tech. Those programs are usually only one to two years...