How utterly heart-breaking, to have Shadow leave so unexpectedly. Please don't blame yourself that you weren't with him; you did what any loving mom would do - you had him at the hospital because that's where he needed to be. Your post says that you "took [him] in," which indicates that he had been homeless. Had you not done that all those years ago, he'd have made his transition without ever knowing love on Earth. He *knows* that you love him, and that's the important thing - and that fact that he loves you back for all you've given him. Shadow is gloriously alive, perfectly healthy, and blissfully happy - and he wants you to be happy for him. (Always, our tears are for ourselves.) Be at peace knowing that all is well with Shadow.