Rant.

[Roxyluvsme13]

I don't want to say anything bad about your mom. She is your mom & you love her.
But, child support is money to support you, not for use to support a household. I'm sorry
that you have these worries at this stage of your life. Prayers for both you & your mom.

Yeah, I know. Sigh. Thanks for the support.

Why is your mom still receiving child support for a 19 year old? If NO child support was coming in, there would be NO income coming into the house? Your thought process, "she did this for this long, now I have to take this..." is seriously flawed. If someone was good to you for ten years, do you allow them to beat you for the next 5? Different set of facts, but same thing.

Parents DO 'owe' it to their children to raise them. She wasn't doing you a favor by feeding and clothing you, Bri. She owed you that. She didn't go any extra mile. Food, shelter..those are considered basic necessities, not doing someone a favor. Staying with someone, in what sounds like a unhealthy environment, because they gave you food/shelter at some point isn't really a strong argument.

I know this sounds mean...but, really....you are going to go down with her. And, that stinks.

My dad owes/owed like years and years of back pay in child support because when my parents divorced (when I was 1), he only paid for a short time and then quit and didn't pay for a good 10 years at least. So my mom said he's going to pay back everything he owes and he's going to continue to pay to make up for lost time. I think she's kind of being a ***** about it, I mean yes, my dad owes me that money and he should have paid it, but my dad works his *** off and is feeding 6 people right now (and yeah, that's his own fault too and I don't feel sorry for him because he was a jerk and cheated on my mom and is with his awful wife now) but he does work hard, and I don't think my mom should be so hard about the child support. Also, one time my dad offered to mail me the child support checks (this was last year) and I told him he couldn't do that because my mom wouldn't have any money. Maybe I'm too nice for my own good, because child support is supposed to be my money, not hers...

Anyway, yes. There would be no income aside from my excess financial aid that I get every semester (which is now gone because I used it to help my mom with bills, food for the animals, gas for my car, some car maintenance, gas for my mom's car, and a few other things that I shouldn't have bought, but I splurged anyway...)

Of course I wouldn't let someone beat me or something like that, but I'm not going to abandon my mom after all she's done for me... she raised me on her own with no help from my father for a long time, and I always admired her for that, but her being the way she is now, just makes me sad and frustrated. And we argue all the time and I need to get out of here and be on my own but I'm afraid she'll get rid of the animals while I'm gone.

I won't let myself go down with her. I'm trying to stay afloat. Trying to manage my way through school and find a job and do anything I can, but it's just not enough and I'm freaking out because I have no idea what I'm going to do about money or anything. And I hate arguing with her all the time and seeing her sit here and not do anything.

[Cataholic]

You are a good person, Bri. I hate to think of how hard this all must be for you.

[Pembroke_Corgi]

Your situation sounds very stressful, and I know personally how hard it is to worry about money. Your campus probably has free resources for students - have you thought about talking to someone to help you manage your stress levels? I have some problems with managing stress, myself, and tend to get physical manifestations of it when I am really stressed (mainly migraines, which are horrible).

I understand that you want to help your mom; but I think others are right that she has to want to help herself, too. I know as a parent I would do anything within my power to see my daughter happy and successful and I'm sure your mom wants that for you too. You can still be supportive by calling her and seeing her when you can, but maybe it's best if you find another place, like living on campus (which is likely more affordable than an apartment and you will never have to worry about getting to class).

Is there someone else you know (family member or friend) who would be willing to watch your pets in the mean time?

[Roxyluvsme13]

Johanna, I try to be. Sometimes I wonder why I'm so nice.

Your situation sounds very stressful, and I know personally how hard it is to worry about money. Your campus probably has free resources for students - have you thought about talking to someone to help you manage your stress levels? I have some problems with managing stress, myself, and tend to get physical manifestations of it when I am really stressed (mainly migraines, which are horrible).

I understand that you want to help your mom; but I think others are right that she has to want to help herself, too. I know as a parent I would do anything within my power to see my daughter happy and successful and I'm sure your mom wants that for you too. You can still be supportive by calling her and seeing her when you can, but maybe it's best if you find another place, like living on campus (which is likely more affordable than an apartment and you will never have to worry about getting to class).

Is there someone else you know (family member or friend) who would be willing to watch your pets in the mean time?

We do have resources. I'm just not sure how much they've helped me. I don't think I'd be very open about my problems to a complete stranger, even if it would help me.

I know she wants the best for me and is trying to do that, but I don't think she's realizing how much this is upsetting me. How much I hate arguing with her, and how it frustrates me to no end that she won't even try to do anything. And if I even mention it, I've mentioned something about finding a job before, she gets extremely defensive and says "no one is going to hire me" and that sort of thing.

I'm going to live on campus next year, even though my house is only 25 minutes away, I think it'd be best if my mom and I spend some time apart again. Being together 24/7 just doesn't work anymore.

And no, there's no one that would watch the pets :/. My mom doesn't mind taking care of Lily, Domino, and Tallulah, it's just Brennan and Bella she has a problem with... I might have to do something with Bella anyway, because I'm not sure if we're going to be able to keep her, but maybe I can manage something for Brennan so he won't have to suffer while I'm not there too.

Thanks for all the advice

[caseysmom]

Why is your mom still receiving child support for a 19 year old? If NO child support was coming in, there would be NO income coming into the house? Your thought process, "she did this for this long, now I have to take this..." is seriously flawed. If someone was good to you for ten years, do you allow them to beat you for the next 5? Different set of facts, but same thing.

Parents DO 'owe' it to their children to raise them. She wasn't doing you a favor by feeding and clothing you, Bri. She owed you that. She didn't go any extra mile. Food, shelter..those are considered basic necessities, not doing someone a favor. Staying with someone, in what sounds like a unhealthy environment, because they gave you food/shelter at some point isn't really a strong argument.

I know this sounds mean...but, really....you are going to go down with her. And, that stinks.

I completely agree! Also lots of schools will cover your tuition and room and board if your parents don't have income. If I remember correctly your first year was in a dorm, most likely your college required this, you seemed a lot happier during that time, not trying to judge but face it you do have some pettalk mom's here.

I am not trying to brag or blow my horn but I would and have done whatever I could to keep my kids from worrying about adult crap, they will have plenty of time for that, while they were living at home they were suppose to only worry about school. Even now that my daughters are on their own I try my best to make sure there lives are comfortable and they are doing what they need to do to have good lives.

[Alysser]

Bri, I don't want to come off as rude or anything but maybe you could at least re-home Brennan? At least for the time you are away. I only say this because I am worried she'll put him outside while you are away and you can't do much about it. Maybe see if his original foster family will keep him for a little while?

I'm sorry you're dealing with this. I wish I could take Brennan for awhile. Poor guy Poor you to! You're a good person and you do not deserve this. I agree with the others...your mom has to make the decision to help herself. It may take a real eye-opener to do that... I really hope she does get help in the meantime and I really hope you decide to help yourself. You seem like such a selfless person and I know you don't want to abandon your mom but you need to HELP yourself to. We know you've been looking for a job for awhile and I think you've grown into a very responsible person. PM or FB IM me if you ever need to talk!

[moosmom]

Cataholic,

It COULD be that there was a child support stipulation that IF said child continues their education, then child support continues till they graduate. JMO Thought you might think of it being a lawyer and all.

Ya know Roxylovesme, it could be your Mom may be going through menopause. A lot of the symptoms you've mentioned are what I went through. Menopause and Depression closely resemble each other. Problem is, if she won't get help, then it's a moot issue.

Good luck kiddo.

[Cataholic]

Cataholic,

It COULD be that there was a child support stipulation that IF said child continues their education, then child support continues till they graduate. JMO Thought you might think of it being a lawyer and all.

LOL. Nice one. Really, I am a lawyer. And, as I know Bri's age, and some of the family background, I imagined it was unlikely that the divorce decree would have included support past 18, for school purposes or any other. That is still a fairly new concept, and I would imagine if you took an informal poll, you would find most people don't have that written into their divorce decree.

Course, I knew that since I was a lawyer and all...

[Karen]

LOL. Nice one. Really, I am a lawyer. And, as I know Bri's age, and some of the family background, I imagined it was unlikely that the divorce decree would have included support past 18, for school purposes or any other. That is still a fairly new concept, and I would imagine if you took an informal poll, you would find most people don't have that written into their divorce decree.

Course, I knew that since I was a lawyer and all...

As she said in an earlier post, her father stopped paying child support for ten years while she was still growing up, so the money her mother is getting now is his effort to repay that money they are owed. So it will be for a finite time, until that debt is paid off.

[pomtzu]

When my son and his first wife divorced, child support was mandatory only until their daughter turned 18, then it was finished. However, now that she is in college at a pricey private university. he pays half of her tuition, but it's not mandatory that he do so. Child support was a whole lot less expensive!

[Cataholic]

As she said in an earlier post, her father stopped paying child support for ten years while she was still growing up, so the money her mother is getting now is his effort to repay that money they are owed. So it will be for a finite time, until that debt is paid off.

Uh, yes, Karen. I know that, now. After I questioned why her mom was getting support payments at 19, Bri explained it, and I read it. I am quite familiar with the term 'arrearage'. LOL.

My response was to Moosmom, with her editorializing. Again. Nice gloss over on that.

[Roxyluvsme13]

I completely agree! Also lots of schools will cover your tuition and room and board if your parents don't have income. If I remember correctly your first year was in a dorm, most likely your college required this, you seemed a lot happier during that time, not trying to judge but face it you do have some pettalk mom's here.

I am not trying to brag or blow my horn but I would and have done whatever I could to keep my kids from worrying about adult crap, they will have plenty of time for that, while they were living at home they were suppose to only worry about school. Even now that my daughters are on their own I try my best to make sure there lives are comfortable and they are doing what they need to do to have good lives.

My schooling/room and board are already covered by loans and grants and stuff like that, so I mean, I'm not paying for anything haha. I get excess money back, like I mentioned before. It's just gone now because I used it to help my mom with bills and things for the animals and things for my car and gas etc etc. And yes, I'm very glad for my PT mommas .

Bri, I don't want to come off as rude or anything but maybe you could at least re-home Brennan? At least for the time you are away. I only say this because I am worried she'll put him outside while you are away and you can't do much about it. Maybe see if his original foster family will keep him for a little while?

I'm sorry you're dealing with this. I wish I could take Brennan for awhile. Poor guy Poor you to! You're a good person and you do not deserve this. I agree with the others...your mom has to make the decision to help herself. It may take a real eye-opener to do that... I really hope she does get help in the meantime and I really hope you decide to help yourself. You seem like such a selfless person and I know you don't want to abandon your mom but you need to HELP yourself to. We know you've been looking for a job for awhile and I think you've grown into a very responsible person. PM or FB IM me if you ever need to talk!

I just couldn't do that to Brennan... He's really happy here and he absolutely LOVES me. I told my mom she could tie him out some during the day (which is fine, because he'd be getting exercise and he loves being outside) just as long as she brings him inside, which I think she'll do. It's not like she's going to throw him out in the cold or anything, I'd protest.

And thank you. I don't know what it's going to take for her, but I'll just have to deal with it till she does... thanks, Alyssa . I'll come to you if I ever need to talk for sure.

Cataholic,

It COULD be that there was a child support stipulation that IF said child continues their education, then child support continues till they graduate. JMO Thought you might think of it being a lawyer and all.

Ya know Roxylovesme, it could be your Mom may be going through menopause. A lot of the symptoms you've mentioned are what I went through. Menopause and Depression closely resemble each other. Problem is, if she won't get help, then it's a moot issue.

Good luck kiddo.

Nope, nothing about that in the child support thing, I'm pretty sure. My mom is just making my dad pay anyway, and then all the backpay and everything, so he'll be paying for a while. It'd just be nice if the money was actually mine.

I guess that could be it. But I thought she already went through menopause unless it's an ongoing thing...

When my son and his first wife divorced, child support was mandatory only until their daughter turned 18, then it was finished. However, now that she is in college at a pricey private university. he pays half of her tuition, but it's not mandatory that he do so. Child support was a whole lot less expensive!

That's how mine was set up, but if my dad had paid it like he was supposed to, then he wouldn't be paying it now. His wife (Who nobody likes) really doesn't like that he's still paying us money, but you know, it's his own fault... I wish my dad paid half of my tuition. But I'd never ever see that happening.

[Roxyluvsme13]

I have some good news y'all .

I got called yesterday for a job interview. It's at McDonald's, not my ideal place to work, but I'll take anything at this point. I have to call them back tomorrow and set up an interview time. Hope they don't mind that it took me a couple days to get their message.

Now if I can get this job, somehow get money to keep my phone on and keep gas in my car until then, things might be okay.

[caseysmom]

I have some good news y'all .

I got called yesterday for a job interview. It's at McDonald's, not my ideal place to work, but I'll take anything at this point. I have to call them back tomorrow and set up an interview time. Hope they don't mind that it took me a couple days to get their message.

Now if I can get this job, somehow get money to keep my phone on and keep gas in my car until then, things might be okay.

I think its better if you don't have to work during college, sorry but good news would have been your mom getting a job. But if your happy about it so am I.

[Scooter's Mom]

I hope your job doesn't distract you from your studies. I know the job will help with the immediate needs, but please try to focus on the long term goals. I know that is so hard to do when you have so many things on your plate. The better educated you are, the less often you will ever be faced with these situations in the future. Good luck on the job interview!