Rant.

[Roxyluvsme13]

I just feel like talking about all of this with her isn't going to do anything. I've tried to get her to go to doctors for years, and she had to make that choice on her own. I think she's going to have to realize that if she needs help, she's going to need help. I can't force it on her. She's really stubborn and it just won't work.

And she's happy most of the time, so that's why I sort of doubt it's even depression. She's just having a rough time in life, and things don't always seem so optimistic, but I'm just not 100% convinced she is legitimately depressed... I think she just needs to get out of the house and do some things with friends, find her purpose. I've been trying to get her to start painting again (I bought her all sorts of paints, canvasses, an easel, etc.) to occupy her time with, but she also has pain issues (arthritis) and diabetes, of course, so I think that's why she hasn't been doing that yet...

I just feel really at a loss of what to do. She's not going to listen to me about any of this, I'm almost 100% sure of that.

Maybe we just need some time apart to do our own thing. We were both fine when I was at UT and she was 2 hours away last year.

I think she's bored, lonely, and frustrated moreso than anything.

[Karen]

I emailed my cousin, and she gave me some info for you. I'll PM you, okay?

[Cataholic]

Children (and you are, IMO, still a child ) shouldn't have to raise their parents. That must stink for you. If I were you, I would try my hardest to find homes for all the animals- as much as I know that pains you- and move out. Anywhere. In a 1 room efficiency if you have to, and live on student loans.

Your #1 job- Bri- is getting an education so that you are not dependent on another person in your life. You are not 'turning your back' on her (frankly, I think she has treated you shabbily for a while), you are making the most of your life. It isn't your responsibility to get her to seek mental or physical help, to put food on your table, or anything else. She should be doing all that for you (provided that she is financially able). I can't imagine stressing, at your age, about food and gas, and whether my parent was getting out of the house that day or not. Good grief.

If she wants to get help, she is an ADULT. She can and will get help. Otherwise, she is going to bring you down with her.

[Roxyluvsme13]

Children (and you are, IMO, still a child ) shouldn't have to raise their parents. That must stink for you. If I were you, I would try my hardest to find homes for all the animals- as much as I know that pains you- and move out. Anywhere. In a 1 room efficiency if you have to, and live on student loans.

Your #1 job- Bri- is getting an education so that you are not dependent on another person in your life. You are not 'turning your back' on her (frankly, I think she has treated you shabbily for a while), you are making the most of your life. It isn't your responsibility to get her to seek mental or physical help, to put food on your table, or anything else. She should be doing all that for you (provided that she is financially able). I can't imagine stressing, at your age, about food and gas, and whether my parent was getting out of the house that day or not. Good grief.

If she wants to get help, she is an ADULT. She can and will get help. Otherwise, she is going to bring you down with her.

I can't just leave and move out though is the problem... I can't do that to my mom . She raised me and fed me for 19 years of my life, and she still feeds me and gives me a place to stay, I just wish that she'd try to get a job and actually do something. Or at least apply for disability, anything to get money, because depending on child support isn't exactly working out, and I know she can't do this forever. When I have the money I help her with bills, and she gives me gas money when she has it from the child support checks, but I hate wondering how I'm going to get to school some days or how I'm going to pay for my phone bill, or any of that. I'm going through my stuff right now and selling some of it to try to get some extra money to pay my phone bill, then I guess I'll have to go through some more stuff to get extra gas. I can't even go hang out with my friends because I don't have the gas to do it, and I know that's always a little bit of a stress reliever for me.

I just feel really lost at what to do. I'm 95% sure I'll be spending a lot of time at my apartment next year so I don't have to worry about this stuff.

[lizbud]

I don't want to say anything bad about your mom. She is your mom & you love her.
But, child support is money to support you, not for use to support a household. I'm sorry
that you have these worries at this stage of your life. Prayers for both you & your mom.

[Cataholic]

Why is your mom still receiving child support for a 19 year old? If NO child support was coming in, there would be NO income coming into the house? Your thought process, "she did this for this long, now I have to take this..." is seriously flawed. If someone was good to you for ten years, do you allow them to beat you for the next 5? Different set of facts, but same thing.

Parents DO 'owe' it to their children to raise them. She wasn't doing you a favor by feeding and clothing you, Bri. She owed you that. She didn't go any extra mile. Food, shelter..those are considered basic necessities, not doing someone a favor. Staying with someone, in what sounds like a unhealthy environment, because they gave you food/shelter at some point isn't really a strong argument.

I know this sounds mean...but, really....you are going to go down with her. And, that stinks.

[Roxyluvsme13]

I don't want to say anything bad about your mom. She is your mom & you love her.
But, child support is money to support you, not for use to support a household. I'm sorry
that you have these worries at this stage of your life. Prayers for both you & your mom.

Yeah, I know. Sigh. Thanks for the support.

Why is your mom still receiving child support for a 19 year old? If NO child support was coming in, there would be NO income coming into the house? Your thought process, "she did this for this long, now I have to take this..." is seriously flawed. If someone was good to you for ten years, do you allow them to beat you for the next 5? Different set of facts, but same thing.

Parents DO 'owe' it to their children to raise them. She wasn't doing you a favor by feeding and clothing you, Bri. She owed you that. She didn't go any extra mile. Food, shelter..those are considered basic necessities, not doing someone a favor. Staying with someone, in what sounds like a unhealthy environment, because they gave you food/shelter at some point isn't really a strong argument.

I know this sounds mean...but, really....you are going to go down with her. And, that stinks.

My dad owes/owed like years and years of back pay in child support because when my parents divorced (when I was 1), he only paid for a short time and then quit and didn't pay for a good 10 years at least. So my mom said he's going to pay back everything he owes and he's going to continue to pay to make up for lost time. I think she's kind of being a ***** about it, I mean yes, my dad owes me that money and he should have paid it, but my dad works his *** off and is feeding 6 people right now (and yeah, that's his own fault too and I don't feel sorry for him because he was a jerk and cheated on my mom and is with his awful wife now) but he does work hard, and I don't think my mom should be so hard about the child support. Also, one time my dad offered to mail me the child support checks (this was last year) and I told him he couldn't do that because my mom wouldn't have any money. Maybe I'm too nice for my own good, because child support is supposed to be my money, not hers...

Anyway, yes. There would be no income aside from my excess financial aid that I get every semester (which is now gone because I used it to help my mom with bills, food for the animals, gas for my car, some car maintenance, gas for my mom's car, and a few other things that I shouldn't have bought, but I splurged anyway...)

Of course I wouldn't let someone beat me or something like that, but I'm not going to abandon my mom after all she's done for me... she raised me on her own with no help from my father for a long time, and I always admired her for that, but her being the way she is now, just makes me sad and frustrated. And we argue all the time and I need to get out of here and be on my own but I'm afraid she'll get rid of the animals while I'm gone.

I won't let myself go down with her. I'm trying to stay afloat. Trying to manage my way through school and find a job and do anything I can, but it's just not enough and I'm freaking out because I have no idea what I'm going to do about money or anything. And I hate arguing with her all the time and seeing her sit here and not do anything.

[caseysmom]

Why is your mom still receiving child support for a 19 year old? If NO child support was coming in, there would be NO income coming into the house? Your thought process, "she did this for this long, now I have to take this..." is seriously flawed. If someone was good to you for ten years, do you allow them to beat you for the next 5? Different set of facts, but same thing.

Parents DO 'owe' it to their children to raise them. She wasn't doing you a favor by feeding and clothing you, Bri. She owed you that. She didn't go any extra mile. Food, shelter..those are considered basic necessities, not doing someone a favor. Staying with someone, in what sounds like a unhealthy environment, because they gave you food/shelter at some point isn't really a strong argument.

I know this sounds mean...but, really....you are going to go down with her. And, that stinks.

I completely agree! Also lots of schools will cover your tuition and room and board if your parents don't have income. If I remember correctly your first year was in a dorm, most likely your college required this, you seemed a lot happier during that time, not trying to judge but face it you do have some pettalk mom's here.

I am not trying to brag or blow my horn but I would and have done whatever I could to keep my kids from worrying about adult crap, they will have plenty of time for that, while they were living at home they were suppose to only worry about school. Even now that my daughters are on their own I try my best to make sure there lives are comfortable and they are doing what they need to do to have good lives.

[moosmom]

Cataholic,

It COULD be that there was a child support stipulation that IF said child continues their education, then child support continues till they graduate. JMO Thought you might think of it being a lawyer and all.

Ya know Roxylovesme, it could be your Mom may be going through menopause. A lot of the symptoms you've mentioned are what I went through. Menopause and Depression closely resemble each other. Problem is, if she won't get help, then it's a moot issue.

Good luck kiddo.

[catland]

couple of thoughts....

I realize I don't know you and your situation very well but a few things pop in to mind....

Are these her pets or yours? If they are yours, then you don't have a right to force her to care for your pets - so as hard as the idea may be, rehoming might be the best plan for one or more of them. Being a young adult, going to school, working, and supporting so many animals might be overdoing it.

There's a book called "Boundries" (sorry, don't know the author), that might be a good book to read.

You're only 19 but have been forced to grow up too quickly becuase of your home life. Don't let your mom drag you down. You can be kind and respectful, but you don't have to get sucked into the drama.

I wish you the very best of luck during this difficult time.