Rant.

[mrspunkysmom]

I do not know anything about depression. But I can only imagine one question that is going through your mind reading the previous posts.........how am I supposed to confront her about her depression? That would just set off another argument. At least that's what I'd be afraid of.

So here's my question to others out there. How can Bri approach this topic with her mom without making things potentially worse?

I don't know. I know that sometimes thing got to get worse before getting better. I know that doesn't make it any easier. I also know that Bri's mom has to make this decision herself. Sometimes it does help if you are forced to face the issues. Perhaps just start with getting her medical help and then bring up the depression and joblessness with her doctor. Once she starts feeling better she might want to do this herself.

Perhaps some friends can involve her in activities? Just throwing out ideas. I have friends I bounce ideas off of, and all over the world as well as local. I am getting ready to visit some friends before heading to Mass. Just want to check in on them, too.

Bri, some of those links can be helpful to you, too. Perhaps if you just bring home the literature she might get interested.

And only you can make this decision if you try to help her. But whatever action you take, let her know that it is because you love her and want her to feel good about what ever it is she is doing.

[Karen]

I would stress to her at the beginning that you love her, and want her to feel better about everything. Many people think Depression is just "feeling sad," when that doesn't cover it at all. It's a real medical problem, and affects every aspect of life. Do look at the links that were posted.

You know what? My cousin, now that I think of it, works for the state of Tennessee, in helping families. Let me email her and see if she has any thoughts, she's not too far away from you guys. either.

[Catty1]

Bri, you are being affected very much by this. Can you contact any of her friends and ask them to call her? If you have a doctor, or if there is some Mental Health Association or etc - even a Crisis Line - tell any or all of them what is going on.


I don't know about the law where you live, but here in Alberta if anyone says anything about wanting to kill themselves, the police can be called and they will break the door down if necessary and take the person to a hospital for an assessment.

Your mom has a choice - she can seek help voluntarily now, or wait til she has no choice in being taken for help.

I have dealt with depression myself - thank goodness it has been much better for years.

Anyway, seek help for yourself (for the problem you are having with your mom) and help may come her way.

HUGS

[Roxyluvsme13]

I just feel like talking about all of this with her isn't going to do anything. I've tried to get her to go to doctors for years, and she had to make that choice on her own. I think she's going to have to realize that if she needs help, she's going to need help. I can't force it on her. She's really stubborn and it just won't work.

And she's happy most of the time, so that's why I sort of doubt it's even depression. She's just having a rough time in life, and things don't always seem so optimistic, but I'm just not 100% convinced she is legitimately depressed... I think she just needs to get out of the house and do some things with friends, find her purpose. I've been trying to get her to start painting again (I bought her all sorts of paints, canvasses, an easel, etc.) to occupy her time with, but she also has pain issues (arthritis) and diabetes, of course, so I think that's why she hasn't been doing that yet...

I just feel really at a loss of what to do. She's not going to listen to me about any of this, I'm almost 100% sure of that.

Maybe we just need some time apart to do our own thing. We were both fine when I was at UT and she was 2 hours away last year.

I think she's bored, lonely, and frustrated moreso than anything.

[Karen]

I emailed my cousin, and she gave me some info for you. I'll PM you, okay?

[Cataholic]

Children (and you are, IMO, still a child ) shouldn't have to raise their parents. That must stink for you. If I were you, I would try my hardest to find homes for all the animals- as much as I know that pains you- and move out. Anywhere. In a 1 room efficiency if you have to, and live on student loans.

Your #1 job- Bri- is getting an education so that you are not dependent on another person in your life. You are not 'turning your back' on her (frankly, I think she has treated you shabbily for a while), you are making the most of your life. It isn't your responsibility to get her to seek mental or physical help, to put food on your table, or anything else. She should be doing all that for you (provided that she is financially able). I can't imagine stressing, at your age, about food and gas, and whether my parent was getting out of the house that day or not. Good grief.

If she wants to get help, she is an ADULT. She can and will get help. Otherwise, she is going to bring you down with her.

[Roxyluvsme13]

Children (and you are, IMO, still a child ) shouldn't have to raise their parents. That must stink for you. If I were you, I would try my hardest to find homes for all the animals- as much as I know that pains you- and move out. Anywhere. In a 1 room efficiency if you have to, and live on student loans.

Your #1 job- Bri- is getting an education so that you are not dependent on another person in your life. You are not 'turning your back' on her (frankly, I think she has treated you shabbily for a while), you are making the most of your life. It isn't your responsibility to get her to seek mental or physical help, to put food on your table, or anything else. She should be doing all that for you (provided that she is financially able). I can't imagine stressing, at your age, about food and gas, and whether my parent was getting out of the house that day or not. Good grief.

If she wants to get help, she is an ADULT. She can and will get help. Otherwise, she is going to bring you down with her.

I can't just leave and move out though is the problem... I can't do that to my mom . She raised me and fed me for 19 years of my life, and she still feeds me and gives me a place to stay, I just wish that she'd try to get a job and actually do something. Or at least apply for disability, anything to get money, because depending on child support isn't exactly working out, and I know she can't do this forever. When I have the money I help her with bills, and she gives me gas money when she has it from the child support checks, but I hate wondering how I'm going to get to school some days or how I'm going to pay for my phone bill, or any of that. I'm going through my stuff right now and selling some of it to try to get some extra money to pay my phone bill, then I guess I'll have to go through some more stuff to get extra gas. I can't even go hang out with my friends because I don't have the gas to do it, and I know that's always a little bit of a stress reliever for me.

I just feel really lost at what to do. I'm 95% sure I'll be spending a lot of time at my apartment next year so I don't have to worry about this stuff.