Weighty topic

[Cataholic]

Catnapper's husband is not technically overweight. He is beyond morbidly obese. Telling him to get up and walk is akin to telling someone with no legs to walk. It is probably very unsafe, and not going to make a hill of beans difference to him. He could walk a full year's worth of walks and probably recognize minimal weight loss, which only adds to his frustration level, his commitment, etc, not to mention possibly places him at increased health risk. I am thinking he probably knows he would feel better/do better at a lighter weight.

430 pounds does not call for a Polly Anna response.

[Karen]

Catnapper's husband is not technically overweight. He is beyond morbidly obese. Telling him to get up and walk is akin to telling someone with no legs to walk. It is probably very unsafe, and not going to make a hill of beans difference to him. He could walk a full year's worth of walks and probably recognize minimal weight loss, which only adds to his frustration level, his commitment, etc, not to mention possibly places him at increased health risk. I am thinking he probably knows he would feel better/do better at a lighter weight.

430 pounds does not call for a Polly Anna response.

I disagree. He can obviously right now walk around his own home. Yes, he is morbidly obese. Yes, were I Kim, I'd make sure my CPR certification is up to date. But doing something - a simple walk, is better than nothing, don't you think?

My sister has had the lap band surgery. It did a great job for her. But she had to go through months of meetings and counseling before they would even do the surgery, and now has to be very precise about what and when she eats. It's not a magic bullet, by any means, and one has to have the proper frame of mind to get that process started, and it seems like right now he's in a bad place. I stand by my suggestion, and do not think it Pollyanna-like.

My sister by the way, is very pleased. At one point she said, "Let's see, by now I have lost ... 110 or - 'Hey! I've lost a whole Diane!" (Our teenage niece, who weighed about that at the time!) And we no longer fear her dropping dead of a heart attack at any moment, as we did for years. I am obese, myself, and need to work on losing weight more.

[Pinot's Mom]

Catnapper, you have a kindred soul here with the weight issues, I tend to the larger side myself. I have lost, at the most, 40 pounds at a time, but I have gained 30 back. I am currently an 18. Weight will probably always be sensitive with me as well. My husband is overweight, but nowhere near yours; he is currently working very hard, exercising and eating better, he's lost about 20 pounds. I should be working out with him - but I'm not.

I'm glad you mentioned counseling exists with you and your husband; that denial of his morbid obesity needs to be addressed. I'm sure there are other issues beyond weight. I wish you both a lot of luck with it and I think as soon as he has a breakthrough in that area he can have a breakthrough with his weight. Try to walk with him, talk with him on those walks, and see where it leads.

Good luck!

[caseysmom]

There was a show about a woman that went from over 700 lbs to now 250 or something like that I can't remember her name but it was about the small steps, small walks, etc mild excercize, one step at a time.

Of course swimming is probably better if possible no stress on the joints etc.

[dab_20]

Many people are extremely sensitive about their weight. I completely understand you mentioning it to your husband, since his weight is now life threatening.

I'm sensitive about my weight. I am overweight, not by much, but it is extremely frustrating because I LOVE food, and I just can't seem to lose any weight because I can't change my habits. My junior year of high school I lost 30 lbs, from 170 to 140. I felt great, I could finally fit in cute clothes without feeling self conscious. I felt energetic, I could run up stairs without getting tired. Since I started college nearly two years ago, I have gained 25 lbs back and it seems to still be creeping up. My fat jeans are now skinny jeans and it's frustrating and depressing.

My fiance does say things to me about what I eat and it pisses me off. I know he means well, but it hurts my feelings! Does he not realize I already HATE the way I look? When he says things like "Why don't we start going to the gym together", or "Why don't we start eating healthier", it makes me less sensitive because he uses the word "we". I don't know why that helps. Not that he needs to lose weight.... he could eat a whole cow and still look great....

I wish luck to you with your weight loss, and I hope your husband realizes he needs to do something about his too. Try to get him to exercise with you and eat better.

[kitten645]

I can relate to the weight issues. I've always been battling it. I did WW years ago and did okay with it. My friend and I just joined again six weeks ago. I have to say I LOVE it. I think it's important to do it with someone and to do the meetings. It makes you accountable to someone other than yourself. It's much easier than counting calories as there are some calories that are better than others. WW takes fiber, fat, protein & carbs and assigns a point value to the food. You can then spend your points each day and some extra ones for the week for special occasions. It's amazing when you are conscience of what you put in your mouth! You can pretty much have anything you want to eat but you have to budget your points. Portions are also a revelation! A normal size portion is generally a cup. A restaurant will generally give you 3-4 servings per any given meal! It's ridiculous.
All that being said, I would never bring up or mention anyone's weight or eating habits. It's a personal thing. I applaud you for trying to save your hubbies life. At least you know you are trying. I lost 60 lbs about 10 years ago. The only thing that got me there was being sick and tired of being sick and tired There's nothing anyone can say or do that will change that. It has to be a decision made by the person themselves. No amount of comments or suggestions will get you there until you get yourself to the point where you're ready to deal with it.
I personally would do anything to avoid surgery, needles etc but that's just me. My suggestion would be to find a friend, get to WW and work on your own weight lose. Maybe if you just tell your husband, you can't have certain things in the house because they are too high in points for YOUR consumption, he'll get inspired and join you. I absolutely know that I'll be counting points for the rest of my life. I just have to be diligent about tracking them and eat mindfully.
Check out WW. They give you a free meeting so you can see if that's the way to go for you.

[Scooter's Mom]

I don't talk about this with most people. I do talk about it on a weight loss forum I'm a member of, and my husband and my best friend know the info I'm about to share... but this is what I've done since I was diagnosed as diabetic. I've had numerous health issues over the last decade that have caused a bunch of surgeries and medications that caused me to gain weight. I didn't ever realize how much I had gained until they told me I was diabetic in January 2011. At that point, I was up to 283 lbs. Well, without having any weight loss surgery, in the time since I've managed to lose quite a bit of weight. In fact, this morning the scale said 217.6. That is a 65.4 lb loss in just over 13 months. No it hasn't been easy, no it hasn't been fun. It's not fast, either. Yeah, I could go on a super low carb diet and lose mass amounts of weight in a short amount of time, but then I think the chances of me keeping it off would be much less. So for me, slow & steady is how I'm doing it.

For me, the only thing that got me to wake up and start losing weight was the dr telling me I was diabetic. You know, they never even said to lose weight. They just said to monitor my glucose and eat better. I've done the rest. It's something I needed to do, but until I *HAD* to and got a wake up call, I just didn't even realize it was at the point it was.

I hope your husband doesn't get to a point where he gets one of those wake up calls like I did. I hope he can get to a point where he just WANTS TO... and doesn't HAVE TO. I hope you guys find a way to make the changes you need to. It's really not an easy thing to do. We get in a sedentary lifestyle and it's hard to break the patterns... move a little more & eat a little better. Drink a little more water, and a little less soda (or none at all in my case).

Anyway, just sharing what I am doing to work on losing weight. It's a very slow process. But I feel confident that the way I'm going about it will be the right way for me to keep the weight off.

[Alysser]

I think the fact that he is in denial is the whole problem. Maybe if you suggest doing things together it'd be easier on him? Or maybe just tell him what you told us...that you know this upsets him but you are just concerned for him. That's truly extremely dangerous and I hope he finds some solution to it before something serious to make him wake up.

I agree, weight is ALWAYS a sensitive topic - especially to those who KNOW they're overweight and secretly probably feel guilty about it like your husband.

When I was 13/14/15 I used to weight 150-155 pounds which was BAD because not only did I felt fat, but I have a heart condition. My Cardiologist told me that's what I should weigh as an adult. Now down to 135-140 pounds I still feel fat and guilty sometimes..I really just want to be 120 lbs. But I've gained alot of muscle in the last year of working out and everything, I've finally started wearing bikinis, which was a big deal 'cause I never felt skinny enough for that. Not to mention I hated the scar I have from Open Heart Surgery and I still do...but hey, it's my badge of courage now. Maybe it's ugly, but I don't care anymore! Lately I have been so busy with school and work that it has gotten away from my gym time. I STILL count calories, which I've been doing since September and it helps ALOT to see what you're eating. I am not the most confident person in the world and I'll probably never be extremely happy with my weight, even if I did get to 120 lbs..

[Medusa]

I think that starting out w/walking every day, trying to go a little farther each day, will make you both feel better and doing it together even more so. Years ago I taught exercise classes to morbidly obese men and women, mainly women, though. The heaviest that I can recall is a woman who weighed 444 lbs. and a man who weighed 500 lbs. They both took my exercise classes. I started them out slowly and they gradually built up strength until they were able to keep up and eventually they were doing the entire class w/the others. And, believe me, I worked them hard. After a couple of years, I left teaching the class and I bumped into one of my students in a local mall. She actually broke down and cried b/c she said no one was able to get her in shape like I did. She said that she hated me during the class but after she went home and took a bath and then measured herself at the end of the week, she loved me. Your husband can definitely start walking and he can do some leg and arm and waist exercises while sitting, too. It can be done but I think the key is that you both should walk and work out together. Good luck. I know you can do it. Keep the faythe.

Btw, the reason I told you this story is not to blow my own horn but to let you know that after a slow start these people worked out religiously and were able to get the weight off. As I said, I worked them hard and they worked me just as hard. It was good for all of us. So don't let your husband tell you that he can't do it. He absolutely can. The key is finding someone qualified to work w/him and the two of you working together.

One more thing: if he decides to have lap band surgery, his doctor will insist that he take off some weight before surgery and after surgery he will want your husband to exercise daily. There's no way to get around it; he must exercise.

[redbird]

I feel you, believe me. I have been overweight since my early 30's and am now the heaviest I've ever been in my 60's. I am a life time Weight Watcher and have lost lots of weight with them and also was on Jenny Craig twice but the weight just keeps coming back...with my help of course My family doesn't bring up my weight anymore, I guess they just gave up. If I complain about how hard it is to walk at times, then my sister will say it's probably my weight and she is right. I love to eat when and what I like and I know that's not a good way to live. I don't see any change for me tho in the future, I just hate to diet.