For wombat - Aussie jokes

[Grace]

Very good, Carole. Thanks

Where are you, wom?

Q: Which direction is North in Australia ? ( USA )

A: Face south and then turn 180 degrees. Contact us when you get here and we'll send the rest of the directions.
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Q: Can I bring cutlery into Australia ? ( UK )

A: Why? Just use your fingers like we do...

[carole]

He is probably watching a re-run of the all blacks winning against Tonga, HE HE, just kidding WOM

[wombat2u2004]

Very good girls....hee hee. I haven't heard any of those before.
But in true Aussie fashion, I will remember them and share them amongst my friends after I have swapped around the nationalities to an Aussie advantage....hee hee.

Here's one for ya's...........

A building site in the centre of Sydney, the facade of a high rise building is being renovated.
The builder has two Kiwi labourers working with him.
The builder slips off the scaffold and falls to his death on the street below.
The police arrive and ask if there were any witnesses.
The two Kiwi labourers are interviwed..........

Policeman: "So, what exactly happened fellas?"
The two Kiwis look at each other and shrug their shoulders and reply "Not real sure officer. We were just working away, we heard a scream and the next thing ya know, the builder is laying dead on the street below."

Policeman: "Ok. So what was the builders name ??"
The two Kiwi's look at each other again, shake their heads and reply "Dunno officer. We just call him Boss"

Policeman: "Do you know where he lived ? Where his office is ??"
The two Kiwi's are still looking at each other, shrugging their shoulders and reply "Nope, sorry officer, we don't know where he's from"

Policeman: "Do you two know anything about this builder at all??"
The Kiwis reply "Nope, nothing. We don't know anything about him really. He gets here by train in the morning, so we don't know where he lives, or anything."
Policeman: "Ok ok. A big help you two are." And walks off.

All of a sudden one of the Kiwi's remembers something, and yells out to the policeman "Excuse me officer. I do know something about him."
The policeman turns around and asks "Yes ?" Removing his notebook from his pocket.

"Well," said one of the Kiwis "The builder had two a$$holes."
"What ???" Said the policeman "He had two a$$holes? How would you know that?"

"Well," said one of the Kiwis "Every day we go over to the pub at lunchtime for a counter lunch, and when we walk in, the bartender always says 'Her comes the builder with the two a$$holes'."

[Grace]

Thanks, wom

I have more for you -

Q: Can you send me the Vienna Boys' Choir schedule? ( USA

A: Aus-tri-a is that quaint little country bordering Ger-man-y, which is, Oh forget it. Sure, the Vienna Boys Choir plays every Tuesday night in Kings Cross, straight after the hippo races. Come naked.
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Q: Can I wear high heels in Australia ? ( UK)

A: You are a British politician, right?
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Q: Are there supermarkets in Sydney and is milk available all year round? ( Germany)

A: No, we are a peaceful civilization of vegan hunter/gatherers. Milk is illegal.
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Q: Please send a list of all doctors in Australia who can dispense rattlesnake serum. ( USA)

A: Rattlesnakes live in A-meri-ca which is where YOU come from. All Australian snakes are perfectly harmless, can be safely handled and make good pets.
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One more batch will come later

[carole]

Aww Wom you are priceless.

[lvpets2002]

You All Are Just Making My Day of Laughing!!

[carole]

it is good to bring some joy in to our lives, so much sadness in this world today, time for a giggle don't ya all think?even if it is at our own expense, you can gather us kiwis and aussies have a thing going here,we supposedly don't like each other, but really i think we do.

[wombat2u2004]

Thanks, wom

I have more for you -



One more batch will come later

Send....now !!!

[wombat2u2004]

Hey Carole, have you ever been across the ditch ???

[wombat2u2004]

St. Peter is sitting at the Pearly Gates when two Kiwis arrive.

St. Peter looked out through the Gates and said "Wait here. I will be right back."

St. Peter goes over to God's chambers and tells him who is waiting for entrance.

God says to Peter: "How many times do I have to tell you, you can't be judgmental here. This is Heaven. All are loved. All are brothers.
Go back and let them in!"

St. Peter goes back to the Gates, looks around, and lets out a heavy sigh.

He returns to God's chambers and says "Well, they're gone."

"Who, the two Kiwi guys?" asked God.

"No... The Pearly Gates."