Mediation/Arbitration????

[Pawsitive Thinking]

Mediation works if you both want it to happen and are both eager to settle and be finished with the whole business. Failing that of course, there's always
court.
But one must consider the costs involved. Court costs and legal representation can cost lots and lots, so sometimes it's more beneficial for both parties to come to some sort of amicable agreement, and mediation is a way of doing that. A bit of give and take can save a lot of time and money.

You would think so wouldn't you but not in our case - they couldn't grasp that the only financial bit involved would be the house, neither of us wanted shares of pensions and whatever.......seems they didn't have forms for that

[Cataholic]

In the American system- mediation is exclusively within the control of the two parties. The mediator (or mediators) is nothing but a go between, a facilitator, a neutral, party. Mediation is non-binding, though any settlement reached is still a settlement.

Arbitration is like a pseudo court/trial. One arbitrator (or three..usually odd numbered) is given exclusive control over the proceedings. You present evidence (though very relaxed in standard) to the arbitrator(s), and a decision is rendered. It can be binding or non-binding.

PT- sounds like you had a bad experience with arbitration, as in mediation (at least in the US) if it wasn't an issue to either party, it wouldn't be an issue to a mediator. Their job is to facilitate, not 'rule'.

I think both have HUGE benefits- one of which is the cost of legal representation at a ARB/Med vs. a trial, is usually way less. I encourage any one that comes to me to look at that as a possibility. Many people simply (and stupidly) don't want to do that. They have seen too much Judge Judy and the like to think that court is 'better'. It is rarely 'better'.

[wombat2u2004]

You would think so wouldn't you but not in our case - they couldn't grasp that the only financial bit involved would be the house, neither of us wanted shares of pensions and whatever.......seems they didn't have forms for that

No forms ???? Oh dear. Your system must be run by greedy lawyers.
Here in Aust you can download all the order forms on the net, fill them in, submit them at the local courthouse for the judge to read, and if he thinks it's fair, then he stamps and signs them......matter ended.
But the two of you must agree to an amicable split, and a share of the assets that you are both OK with. This can be done with a mediator, or without. It's up to both of you.
If you both seek legal representation, then the whole thing will get drawn out.
It will take lots of time and cost you lots of money, and you will end up with less than you had to begin with.
My last divorce ??? Cost me a $45 fee to submit the orders to court....divorce order, property settlement, and child custody order.
Get wise Denise, settle it amicably with ex hubby.

[Catty1]

Wom, if hubby performs a disappearing act - and has a history of alcoholism and physical assault - 'settling amicably' hardly fits. I know this is the case in one of these situations; it's the financials that the husband won't settle.

Spouses like this want to take all the toys and go home.

[wombat2u2004]

Wom, if hubby performs a disappearing act - and has a history of alcoholism and physical assault - 'settling amicably' hardly fits. I know this is the case in one of these situations; it's the financials that the husband won't settle.

Spouses like this want to take all the toys and go home.

Well, if that's the case, then it will cost him far more than what he probably thinks. If he wants to give a lawyer a hefty chunk of his share, then it's his loss.
Unfortunately, nobody wins in a situation such as this. If he thinks for one moment that game playing is fun, then he's wrong.... he'll change his mind quick smart when he gets his lawyers account.
This is why mediation is beneficial, just the two of them and a mediator, no legal representation needed....swat it out, take some gains, take some pains.
They will both be better off.

[Queen of Poop]

Allow me to drop in and set the proper stage and update on what's now going on. The readers digest version:

In the beginning my abusive husband claimed MINE!! It's all mine and she gets nothing but her personal stuff. After holding MY personal stuff for ransom for 10 months he finally relented and I got some of my things and we agreed to sell our lake property, he would keep his toys and the acreage home and I would be paid out. Since then he's run the lines of credit to the max and tried to go beyond. He's not attended 3 booked sessions to work towards a proper settlement, he's still claimed MINE! So we suggested mediation/arbitration to try to get this thing done once and for all. After weeks with no response it came last week, after almost 2 years, he shoved it all across the table and said YOURS! Now I've said no way dude. You had to have it, now I'm not cleaning up your crap, don't want it, put it up for sale and we'll meet with the mediator to figure how to split the proceeds equitably given how he alone has rung up over $100,000 in extra debt.

Talk about games, and it's not fun and hugely expensive. In the end was it worth it? Did he win big, will he? Doubtful.

[pomtzu]

QOP - did you ever consider a hit man??? Just kidding of course - but it would probably be less expensive than all that you're going thru.

[Queen of Poop]

QOP - did you ever consider a hit man??? Just kidding of course - but it would probably be less expensive than all that you're going thru.

Snicker, snicker. You're not the first to make that particular comment!!

[mrspunkysmom]

It seems to me that once you are legally separated, you stop to being responsible for his credit. Your responsibility for your joint credit stops the day you were legally separated.

But I guess that varies from state to state and to country.

My personal take on divorce is that even contested, it seems that after so much time, you should be able to get out. But that's just my take.

. . . .Since then he's run the lines of credit to the max and tried to go beyond. He's not attended 3 booked sessions to work towards a proper settlement, he's still claimed MINE! So we suggested mediation/arbitration to try to get this thing done once and for all. After weeks with no response it came last week, after almost 2 years, he shoved it all across the table and said YOURS! Now I've said no way dude. You had to have it, now I'm not cleaning up your crap, don't want it, put it up for sale and we'll meet with the mediator to figure how to split the proceeds equitably given how he alone has rung up over $100,000 in extra debt.

Talk about games, and it's not fun and hugely expensive. In the end was it worth it? Did he win big, will he? Doubtful.

hh

[Alysser]

Hell, I don't know anything about divorce but this crap really needs to be over with. Me and Mikey are still on your side of course. We will be here to party with you when it's over.

In fact, the speakers are already up, we just need a dance floor.

[Queen of Poop]

It seems to me that once you are legally separated, you stop to being responsible for his credit. Your responsibility for your joint credit stops the day you were legally separated.

But I guess that varies from state to state and to country.

My personal take on divorce is that even contested, it seems that after so much time, you should be able to get out. But that's just my take.



hh

And that is one of the issues. He thinks I should be on the hook for it all and I say not a chance, I saw no benefit from any of it. So until an arbitrator or judge decides it's a stalemate. When our one year separation came and went I requested twice that we sever the divorce from the settlement so that I'm not the Mrs anymore. His reply, no, there is no good reason for it. So in 9 days will be our 10 year anniversary. I so wish it could be over, pray for it every night in fact.

So note to anyone out there who is in a questionable relationship - GET OUT, run for the hills and don't look back.

[wombat2u2004]

Allow me to drop in and set the proper stage and update on what's now going on. The readers digest version:

In the beginning my abusive husband claimed MINE!! It's all mine and she gets nothing but her personal stuff. After holding MY personal stuff for ransom for 10 months he finally relented and I got some of my things and we agreed to sell our lake property, he would keep his toys and the acreage home and I would be paid out. Since then he's run the lines of credit to the max and tried to go beyond. He's not attended 3 booked sessions to work towards a proper settlement, he's still claimed MINE! So we suggested mediation/arbitration to try to get this thing done once and for all. After weeks with no response it came last week, after almost 2 years, he shoved it all across the table and said YOURS! Now I've said no way dude. You had to have it, now I'm not cleaning up your crap, don't want it, put it up for sale and we'll meet with the mediator to figure how to split the proceeds equitably given how he alone has rung up over $100,000 in extra debt.

Talk about games, and it's not fun and hugely expensive. In the end was it worth it? Did he win big, will he? Doubtful.

Geez mate, you picked a real ripe one there.
Go with the flow and come out of it the best way you can
I'm sure he'll eventually regret his actions.