I went to a Christmas party the other night and was having a real
blast. After I'd been there a few hours(and several, several
drinks), I noticed this fabulous blonde standing over to the side.
She was in her early to mid twenties with beautiful long blonde
hair down to her waist. She was built like a brick, well, anyway
she was built. The amazing thing was, she kept staring at me and
smiling. Naturally, being a man, I decided to go try my luck. Like
they say, nothing ventured, nothing gained. I went over and stuck
up a conversation with her(don't remember about what, but it had
to be very interesting). Well one thing led to another and she
invited me back to her place and being the gentleman I am, I said
OK. I'm not going to go into all the details of the night(mainly
because I don't remember), but I awoke the next morning to the
aroma of fresh coffee and bacon frying. I thought now this is
great, I think I might have a keeper here. I got up and got
dressed and headed for the kitchen. When I got there her mom
(looked to be in her 80's or 90's) was standing at the stove.
Embarrassed, I stammered where's your daughter? She slowly turned
around with a sly little smile on her face and said, I don't have
a daughter.

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Two men were walking through the woods and came upon a big black, deep hole. One man picked up a rock and tossed it into the hole and stood listening for the rock to hit bottom. There was no sound.
He turned to the other guy and said "that must be a deep hole...let's throw a bigger rock in there and listen for it to hit bottom." The men found a bigger rock and both picked it up and lugged it to the hole and dropped it in.
They listened for some time and never heard a sound. Again, they agreed that this must be one deep hole and maybe they should throw something even bigger into it.
One man spotted a rail-road tie nearby. They picked up the tie, grunting and groaning, and lugged it to the hole. They tossed it in. No sound. All of a sudden, a goat came flying out of the woods, running like the wind, and flew past the men and jumped straight into the hole. The men were amazed.
About that time, an old hayseed farmer came out of the woods and asked the men if they had seen a goat. One man told the farmer of the incredible incident they had just witnessed...they had just seen this goat fly out of the woods and run and leap into the big hole. The man asked the farmer if this could have been his goat.
The old farmer said "naw, that can't be my goat...he was chained to a railroad tie."
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