Mediation/Arbitration????

[Catty1]

Gayle, I have no experience either. I wish there was something to charge him with, or a court-mandated psych evaluation.

If anything - arbitration. When the arbitrator sees the facts - financial and otherwise - in front of them, it will be a no-brainer.

[Queen of Poop]

Thanks for the comments and support all. Yes Wom, it's taking a huge emotional toll. I found an outlet in running and I'm now up to 10 kms at a stretch, any less and it's not enough to make me feel better. But even that isn't enough to stave off the depression and frustration. I'm not giving up, I know that's what he wants and its NOT GOING TO HAPPEN! I gave up enough during the marriage, I'm done with that. So we will try this and see, maybe he'll settle rather than take his chances on mediation/arbitration. If not and he won't play ball it's off to court we go. We'll see how sympathetic a Judge is to his plight then! I'm already in for over $15,000.

[Pawsitive Thinking]

I went to one meeting on my own to find out about mediation and decided that it would be a total waste of money.

Mine seems to be taking just as long so take comfort in the fact that you are not alone

[Queen of Poop]

I went to one meeting on my own to find out about mediation and decided that it would be a total waste of money.

Mine seems to be taking just as long so take comfort in the fact that you are not alone

I'm sorry you're "on hold" too. I'm so depressed over it. I had so hoped to have my own home last summer, but that didn't happen, so set my sights on this summer and now it looks like that won't happen either. I'm really struggling with this calamity right now.

As an update, there was no response from the "dark side" to the mediation offer so it looks like we will be forced to do a court filing to try to end this once and for all.

As he said when we asked to sever the divorce from the settlement "there's no good reason to", should I be expecting a fabulous 10th anniversary present later this month, seeing as we are still married? I'm thinking not, but who knows.

[Karen]

Hopefully a judge will see all the delay tactics for what they are, and give you a quick resolution once you get to court. We will be ready to celebrate with you that day, never fear!

[wombat2u2004]

I went to one meeting on my own to find out about mediation and decided that it would be a total waste of money.

Mediation works if you both want it to happen and are both eager to settle and be finished with the whole business. Failing that of course, there's always
court.
But one must consider the costs involved. Court costs and legal representation can cost lots and lots, so sometimes it's more beneficial for both parties to come to some sort of amicable agreement, and mediation is a way of doing that. A bit of give and take can save a lot of time and money.

[Pawsitive Thinking]

Mediation works if you both want it to happen and are both eager to settle and be finished with the whole business. Failing that of course, there's always
court.
But one must consider the costs involved. Court costs and legal representation can cost lots and lots, so sometimes it's more beneficial for both parties to come to some sort of amicable agreement, and mediation is a way of doing that. A bit of give and take can save a lot of time and money.

You would think so wouldn't you but not in our case - they couldn't grasp that the only financial bit involved would be the house, neither of us wanted shares of pensions and whatever.......seems they didn't have forms for that

[Cataholic]

In the American system- mediation is exclusively within the control of the two parties. The mediator (or mediators) is nothing but a go between, a facilitator, a neutral, party. Mediation is non-binding, though any settlement reached is still a settlement.

Arbitration is like a pseudo court/trial. One arbitrator (or three..usually odd numbered) is given exclusive control over the proceedings. You present evidence (though very relaxed in standard) to the arbitrator(s), and a decision is rendered. It can be binding or non-binding.

PT- sounds like you had a bad experience with arbitration, as in mediation (at least in the US) if it wasn't an issue to either party, it wouldn't be an issue to a mediator. Their job is to facilitate, not 'rule'.

I think both have HUGE benefits- one of which is the cost of legal representation at a ARB/Med vs. a trial, is usually way less. I encourage any one that comes to me to look at that as a possibility. Many people simply (and stupidly) don't want to do that. They have seen too much Judge Judy and the like to think that court is 'better'. It is rarely 'better'.

[wombat2u2004]

You would think so wouldn't you but not in our case - they couldn't grasp that the only financial bit involved would be the house, neither of us wanted shares of pensions and whatever.......seems they didn't have forms for that

No forms ???? Oh dear. Your system must be run by greedy lawyers.
Here in Aust you can download all the order forms on the net, fill them in, submit them at the local courthouse for the judge to read, and if he thinks it's fair, then he stamps and signs them......matter ended.
But the two of you must agree to an amicable split, and a share of the assets that you are both OK with. This can be done with a mediator, or without. It's up to both of you.
If you both seek legal representation, then the whole thing will get drawn out.
It will take lots of time and cost you lots of money, and you will end up with less than you had to begin with.
My last divorce ??? Cost me a $45 fee to submit the orders to court....divorce order, property settlement, and child custody order.
Get wise Denise, settle it amicably with ex hubby.

[Catty1]

Wom, if hubby performs a disappearing act - and has a history of alcoholism and physical assault - 'settling amicably' hardly fits. I know this is the case in one of these situations; it's the financials that the husband won't settle.

Spouses like this want to take all the toys and go home.