Does anyone NOT know how to be a friend anymore?

[CountryWolf07]

Dead beetles, really? LOL Like I would! That's funny. I do know what you are saying, it's the common bond. I just am not happy with how I am a "friend" to my friends, and I just get nothing in return. Like for example, I listen to one who complained/cried/talked about her ex-boyfriend that was SUCH a headache to listen to in the first place. Just think, Ronnie/Sammie, yes, a Jersey Shore reference, but it was exactly the type of relationship she had. The thing is, how did we meet? She was Mike's friend's ex - seemed like she was a nice girl, until she got me involved every time she talked about "them" - and what did I do? I just only listened and offered her advice. So this is the same friend that keeps telling me, "We need to hang out soon! Get some drinks, catch up!" and she's been doing this for a while now and I just feel like saying, "Whatever, IF you really want to be friends with me, then ACT like one, otherwise, walk away please." I haven't said this to her yet, but I need to. So it hurts me, I guess, that I was there for her through her crappy relationship, and I just get nothing, but get ditched and she hangs out with her other friends. Not fun. I just hate that I'm THAT type of friend who's loyal and I mean whatever I say or do. Pssh. I'm too nice.

[Medusa]

I can also relate to what you're saying, Rachel. I had a lot of friends until my divorce. Then the true friends revealed themselves and there weren't many of those. It hits me the hardest in the winter b/c I'm shut indoors too much. If someone bails on me, I take it personally, rather than realize that people are so busy nowadays and that if they hadn't wanted to go somewhere w/me in the first place, they wouldn't have made the date.

Try not to dwell on it b/c it'll get worse, not better. If you have ever tried positive affirmations, then this would be a good time to say one regarding finding new, loyal friends. One that I say quite often comes from Catherine Ponder, though modified: "I am now guided into my true place, w/true friends now, quickly, easily and in peace". I've always seen a positive effect from affirmations.

Keep your chin up, girl, and by all means, keep the faythe.

[Pinot's Mom]

I sympathize; I really do. I understand the need/want for a "best" friend. The task, however, lies in yourself. I am saying this from experience. I have many friends and acquaintances; my best friend I've had for 30 years. That's my husband. I did, however, reach a stage when I really wanted something many of my friends had, and that was a "girlfriend" or two. Someone you could call anytime and do things with. I realized the problem was me.

YOU have to reach out to find this relationship. I met the sister of a friend. We have common interests (music and singing) and we clicked instantly. I decided I had to cultivate this friendship or it would go by the wayside. We have become very close, we go out to dinner (Wednesdays, half price wine night at Kelsey's) about once a month, we're going on a girl's weekend together. Another woman I've become close with is someone I've known for some time. We have other common interests (including that she works with Best Friends Animal Rescue); I couldn't STAND her when I first met her. She's married to one of my husband's and my best friends (male). I came clean with her, she and I talked things out, and are now very close. I had to make these work. You can do the same.

I enjoy my time alone. I enjoy my time with my husband; and now, on the other side of 50, I have something I used to have when I was in school..."girlfriends". GO FIND THEM; they're out there! Good luck!

[k9krazee]

Meetup.com! You can meet people in your area with similar interests!

I know how you feel though. Recently I've been reminded just how few girlfriends I have and how my friend circle has gone down to Rich, my family and his family. But I'm tired of giving and getting nothing in return! So someday, when I'm not moving every six months, I will try the friend thing again

[Asiel]

I have many acquaintances but I only have 5 people I consider true friends. These are people I've known since my late teens and we've been through thick and thin together. I separate true friends from acquaintances because acquaintances are people that you can enjoy but they are never like true friends who will drop everything at the drop of a hat to be there when you most need them.
Some people make a habit of collecting tons of people they think are friends, for some reason they think it makes them look good to know dozens and dozens of people. I'm the opposite. I sometimes prefer to enjoy my own company rather than keep up with someone that I met somewhere and hang out just for the sake of hanging out.
With my real friends they know they can call me anytime for whatever reason and I'm there for them and the same goes for me. They are always there for me no matter what. These are the friends I place a high value on. For friends I prefer quality over quantity and it works for me.

[Marigold2]

I have several friends that are going on 40 years. One we lost due to religion. She joined a small country church, they are very devote and very closed. We all miss her but she has changed and we are no longer good enough for her. Only those that belong to the church are worthy of friendship.
Another friend had the same experience with a high school friend who became a member of the Jehovah Witness. She shunned all her friends.
I have found that people tend to gravitate to others who are in the same emotional place. Happy people hang out with happy people, depressed people have depressed friends, druggies hang out together, people who enjoy classical music hang out together.
So if you are in a depressed group and all of a sudden things go well for you or you are in a cubby group and you lose weight WELL that is not appreciated by the others.
Same with the happy bunch. If things go bad for you they expect you to pick your sorry butt up, show some spunk and make it good again as they have during the bad times.
Our group has always been kind of a nutty fun group. We talk about everything, we all have opinions, we share and argue but always respect.
We call each other butt heads if we disagree but say it with a love and a hug. As in " you are my favorite butt head" We are not your average white bread soccar mom women. We can be wild, crude, snobbish and down right silly but we always love each other and support each other.
And yes we are a happy group. If you are depressed someone will come and kick you a%%. It is as simple as that. One day you will open your door and a bucket of purple kool-aid will be thrown at you. That is how we roll. Try keeping a straight face through that.

[mrspunkysmom]

Mini venting going on here

. . . People just plain suck. . . . I just wish I had a good friend or two to hang out with during the weekdays or on weekends, even. I don't think anyone knows how to be a friend anymore. I am done. I was supposed to go out on Friday night with a friend, then another friend on Saturday, and today also, and they all BAILED. . . .

I agree. When I was much younger, girlfriends would routinely cancel "dates" because a fella would pop in and want attention. We women don't seem to understand the bond would could share.

On the other hand, my boss is a ba$tard. He regularly tells me to find another job, doesn't support me in the classroom, and tells me that I have no interpersonal skills.

The only joy I have are my cats and this place. Something about that sounds so sad. I do have other outlets, but the South is big on family and those that are single by choice are outcast. That's one reason I'm considering moving back to live near my youngest brother.