Does anyone NOT know how to be a friend anymore?

[Roxyluvsme13]

Totally feel you, Rachel. So sorry your friends are bailing on you.

I'm a shy person and I have a hard time making friends, and when I do make friends, most of them end up not being my friend later on down the road for some ridiculous reason.

I had a group of "Friends" in high school who were supposed to be my "best friends" and everything. Well, my real best friend in high school told me she didn't like the way they treated me, and I'm not sure why I didn't listen to her then. So, we graduated and things were okay, I thought, though they told me they "didn't want me to go on their graduation trip" which was hurtful. Anyway, I was a nicer person and I tried to invite them to my birthday party last year, tried to hang out with them last summer, they wouldn't have anything to do with me. So, it's been over a year without them and I couldn't be happier. I have amazing friends here in college that I've known for a very short time and are already way higher on my list than those petty high school friends ever were.

[Scooter's Mom]

I don't have many "real life" friends in Phoenix, even though I've lived here since 1999. I have a couple of people I associate with through work. It seems that all of my "real life" friends are back in Texas, where I grew up. I still talk to them through facebook (which is a godsend) and email.

I do have one person other than my husband, who would go to the ends of the earth for me. My best friend, Kat. I am forever thankful for God putting her in my life when we were in High School. We have not always had 'good times' but we've made it.

I do have a few "online" friends that I love dearly. It's much easier to make friends online than in the real world, I think.

Sorry for babbling... just kind of agreeing with everyone.

[dab_20]

I know exactly how you feel. Exactly. I mean, I'm usually not alone. I hang out with my boyfriend, my brother is a close friend of mine and my mom. But any girlfriends my age? None. Other than "friends" at school and work, that I really never hang out with, just talk to while I'm there. It's frustrating. Even in high school, my friends were constantly bailing on me and talking behind each others backs. It's annoying and I was sick of it.

My family and boyfriend are my support. However, I still long to have a "best" girlfriend that I can vent to and share everything with. I had the best of friends in junior high that I had known since I was five. Then I moved to Utah. I never really got friends like I had before. Becoming "friends" with those I knew from MN on facebook has only made me sad about it. Seeing my friends pictures of prom, dating people I had known, all the fun times I could've had with them. Sigh, it's depressing lol!

However, I am happy with the direction my life is going. I'm happy with who I have become and the people in my life. I figure you don't need those types of "friends". You need positive people in your life who love and support you. Whether that is a boyfriend or family, pets or just people you know on the internet!

[K9karen]

I'm scared to step out of line here.

I've had a best friend for about 53 years. Never fight, talk 2-3x a day with hello or checking in or some kind of news. My neighbor calls me all the time, and visa versa, again, hello, or do you need help? 3 other besties, I worked with. We've introduced each other and now we all hang out with, along with our partners. Not often, but on the girls' birthdays and around the holidays. One phone call, and we are there for each other.
I'm blessed and grateful. My niece, who I helped raise, I refer to her sometimes as my daughter, is grown up with a family and we talk at least 3x a week and get together.

I have lots of acquaintences. I make friends easily. There are people on PT whom I consider really good friends, but distance keeps us aprt.

I think people are overly stressed and busy these days, and focused on themselves. Maybe the differrence is that my gf's are older and settled. I didn't have many friends in high school or in my 20's. IMO, CW, when you get settled, and find the perfect job for you, you'll meet some really nice people. Again, kust my opinion. Life was bleak in my 20's compared to now. Getting old(er) wasn't that bad afterall.

[wombat2u2004]

Reading this thread I find most of you have the same issue. And I agree that as people get older, they have less friends than they do when they were young.
But my take on this situation is that people seek out those with the same interests in life, that is usually the requirement. When you are at school you have heaps of friends....why ??? You all study together, play sport together, party together, because you are all connected by the same interests and activities.
I have lots of friends, friends that I can call my best friends, but they are ALL war veterans like I am....you see the link ???? It's almost like a common bond.
Maybe if you pursue some sort of interest...I don't know....collect dead beetles or something.....join a dead beetle club, and then all the dead beetle collectors will want to come around to see your dead beetles, and that's how bonds are formed.
Just my thoughts.

[CountryWolf07]

Dead beetles, really? LOL Like I would! That's funny. I do know what you are saying, it's the common bond. I just am not happy with how I am a "friend" to my friends, and I just get nothing in return. Like for example, I listen to one who complained/cried/talked about her ex-boyfriend that was SUCH a headache to listen to in the first place. Just think, Ronnie/Sammie, yes, a Jersey Shore reference, but it was exactly the type of relationship she had. The thing is, how did we meet? She was Mike's friend's ex - seemed like she was a nice girl, until she got me involved every time she talked about "them" - and what did I do? I just only listened and offered her advice. So this is the same friend that keeps telling me, "We need to hang out soon! Get some drinks, catch up!" and she's been doing this for a while now and I just feel like saying, "Whatever, IF you really want to be friends with me, then ACT like one, otherwise, walk away please." I haven't said this to her yet, but I need to. So it hurts me, I guess, that I was there for her through her crappy relationship, and I just get nothing, but get ditched and she hangs out with her other friends. Not fun. I just hate that I'm THAT type of friend who's loyal and I mean whatever I say or do. Pssh. I'm too nice.

[Medusa]

I can also relate to what you're saying, Rachel. I had a lot of friends until my divorce. Then the true friends revealed themselves and there weren't many of those. It hits me the hardest in the winter b/c I'm shut indoors too much. If someone bails on me, I take it personally, rather than realize that people are so busy nowadays and that if they hadn't wanted to go somewhere w/me in the first place, they wouldn't have made the date.

Try not to dwell on it b/c it'll get worse, not better. If you have ever tried positive affirmations, then this would be a good time to say one regarding finding new, loyal friends. One that I say quite often comes from Catherine Ponder, though modified: "I am now guided into my true place, w/true friends now, quickly, easily and in peace". I've always seen a positive effect from affirmations.

Keep your chin up, girl, and by all means, keep the faythe.

[Pinot's Mom]

I sympathize; I really do. I understand the need/want for a "best" friend. The task, however, lies in yourself. I am saying this from experience. I have many friends and acquaintances; my best friend I've had for 30 years. That's my husband. I did, however, reach a stage when I really wanted something many of my friends had, and that was a "girlfriend" or two. Someone you could call anytime and do things with. I realized the problem was me.

YOU have to reach out to find this relationship. I met the sister of a friend. We have common interests (music and singing) and we clicked instantly. I decided I had to cultivate this friendship or it would go by the wayside. We have become very close, we go out to dinner (Wednesdays, half price wine night at Kelsey's) about once a month, we're going on a girl's weekend together. Another woman I've become close with is someone I've known for some time. We have other common interests (including that she works with Best Friends Animal Rescue); I couldn't STAND her when I first met her. She's married to one of my husband's and my best friends (male). I came clean with her, she and I talked things out, and are now very close. I had to make these work. You can do the same.

I enjoy my time alone. I enjoy my time with my husband; and now, on the other side of 50, I have something I used to have when I was in school..."girlfriends". GO FIND THEM; they're out there! Good luck!