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Thread: Our PT joke thread

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  1. #1
    Join Date
    Oct 2006
    Location
    Australia
    Posts
    8,166
    A Little Christmas Story



    When four of Santa's elves got sick, the trainee elves did not produce toys as fast as the regular ones, and Santa began to feel the Pre-Christmas pressure.



    Then Mrs. Claus told Santa her Mother was coming to visit, which stressed Santa even more.

    When he went to harness the reindeer, he found that three of them were about to give birth and two others had jumped the fence and were out, Heaven knows where.



    Then when he began to load the sleigh, one of the floorboards cracked, the toy bag fell to the ground and all the toys were scattered.



    Frustrated, Santa went in the house for a cup of apple cider and a shot of rum.

    When he went to the cupboard, he discovered the elves had drunk all the cider and hidden the liquor.

    In his frustration, he accidentally dropped the cider jug, and it broke into hundreds of little glass pieces all over the kitchen floor.

    He went to get the broom and found the mice had eaten all the straw off the end of the broom.



    Just then the doorbell rang, and an irritated Santa marched to the door, yanked it open, and there stood a little angel with a great big Christmas tree.



    The angel said very cheerfully, 'Merry Christmas, Santa.

    Isn't this a lovely day?

    I have a beautiful tree for you.

    Where would you like me to stick it?'



    And so began the tradition of the little angel on top of the Christmas tree.



    Not a lot of people know this.



    "I'm Back !!"

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Oct 2005
    Location
    Illinois, USA
    Posts
    28,394
    Praying for peace in the Middle East, Ukraine, and around the world.

    I've been Boo'd ... right off the stage!

    Aaahh, I have been defrosted! Thank you, Bonny and Asiel!
    Brrrr, I've been Frosted! Thank you, Asiel and Pomtzu!


    "That's the power of kittens (and puppies too, of course): They can reduce us to quivering masses of Jell-O in about two seconds flat and make us like it. Good thing they don't have opposable thumbs or they'd surely have taken over the world by now." -- Paul Lukas

    "We consume our tomorrows fretting about our yesterdays." -- Persius, first century Roman poet

    Cassie's Catster page: http://www.catster.com/cats/448678

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Jan 2004
    Location
    Rural Eastern Ontario Canada
    Posts
    1,979

    Reindeer

    REMEMBER THIS AT CHRISTMAS TIME
    According to the Alaska Department of Fish and Game, while both male and female reindeer grow antlers in the summer each year, male reindeer drop their antlers at the beginning of winter, usually late November to mid-December.
    Female reindeer retain their antlers till after they give birth in the spring. Therefore, according to EVERY historical rendition depicting Santa's reindeer, EVERY single one of them, from Rudolph to Blitzen, had to be a girl.
    We should have known…... ONLY women would be able to drag a fat-ass man in a red velvet suit all around the world in one night and not get lost.
    ---------------------------
    Lilith Cherry
    "
    "Love never claims, it ever gives. Love ever suffers, never resents, never revenges itself." -Mahatma Gandhi

  4. #4
    Join Date
    Jan 2004
    Location
    Rural Eastern Ontario Canada
    Posts
    1,979

    Suck it up Cupcake!

    There were probably many, many times this year when I may have.....

    Disturbed You,
    Troubled You,
    Pestered You,
    Irritated You,
    Bugged You,
    or got on your Nerves!!
    So today, I just wanted to tell you....

    Suck it up Cupcake! Cause there AIN'T NO CHANGES Planned for 2011
    Attached Images Attached Images  
    Lilith Cherry
    "
    "Love never claims, it ever gives. Love ever suffers, never resents, never revenges itself." -Mahatma Gandhi

  5. #5
    Join Date
    Oct 2006
    Location
    Australia
    Posts
    8,166
    Quote Originally Posted by Lilith Cherry View Post
    There were probably many, many times this year when I may have.....

    Disturbed You,
    Troubled You,
    Pestered You,
    Irritated You,
    Bugged You,
    or got on your Nerves!!
    So today, I just wanted to tell you....

    Suck it up Cupcake! Cause there AIN'T NO CHANGES Planned for 2011
    Bummer


    "I'm Back !!"

  6. #6
    Join Date
    Oct 2005
    Location
    Illinois, USA
    Posts
    28,394
    Q: Where do snowmen go to dance?
    A: Snowballs!
    Praying for peace in the Middle East, Ukraine, and around the world.

    I've been Boo'd ... right off the stage!

    Aaahh, I have been defrosted! Thank you, Bonny and Asiel!
    Brrrr, I've been Frosted! Thank you, Asiel and Pomtzu!


    "That's the power of kittens (and puppies too, of course): They can reduce us to quivering masses of Jell-O in about two seconds flat and make us like it. Good thing they don't have opposable thumbs or they'd surely have taken over the world by now." -- Paul Lukas

    "We consume our tomorrows fretting about our yesterdays." -- Persius, first century Roman poet

    Cassie's Catster page: http://www.catster.com/cats/448678

  7. #7
    Join Date
    Oct 2006
    Location
    Australia
    Posts
    8,166
    Quote Originally Posted by cassiesmom View Post
    Q: Where do snowmen go to dance?
    A: Snowballs!
    ROFL


    "I'm Back !!"

  8. #8
    Join Date
    Oct 2005
    Location
    Illinois, USA
    Posts
    28,394
    I heard this joke today and I have to admit, it took me a minute!

    Why don't acrobats perform in the winter?
    Because they only do somersaults!
    Praying for peace in the Middle East, Ukraine, and around the world.

    I've been Boo'd ... right off the stage!

    Aaahh, I have been defrosted! Thank you, Bonny and Asiel!
    Brrrr, I've been Frosted! Thank you, Asiel and Pomtzu!


    "That's the power of kittens (and puppies too, of course): They can reduce us to quivering masses of Jell-O in about two seconds flat and make us like it. Good thing they don't have opposable thumbs or they'd surely have taken over the world by now." -- Paul Lukas

    "We consume our tomorrows fretting about our yesterdays." -- Persius, first century Roman poet

    Cassie's Catster page: http://www.catster.com/cats/448678

  9. #9
    Join Date
    Oct 2003
    Location
    Michigan
    Posts
    8,585
    AIRPORT SCREENING STATISTICS

    Year to date statistics on TSA airport screening -
    from the Department of Homeland Security:




    Terrorist Plots Discovered 0
    Transvestites 133
    Hernias 485
    Hemorrhoid Cases 3,172
    Enlarged Prostates 8,249
    Breast Implants 59,350
    Natural Blondes 3

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